Random Stuff

Little things that I've written

Hey, I just need to get these out, and one of my friends said that I should write them. She also said that I should share them with people, and see if that makes me a little happier. So, that's what we're doing.

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Playthings

We are not ragdolls, Father. We are not playthings for you to scream and cry at. We are humans, not playthings for you to use as you see fit. That is not alright, and that is not what we are. WE ARE NOT RAGDOLLS! Not for your amusement, to cry at, to manipulate, to scream at. We are humans, and we deserve better.

Children

"I don't want children," I say to you. "What? Why?" You reply. "I just don't," I say with a shrug. I don't want them to become another in the long line of trauma. I hold my mother's trauma, and my grandmother's trauma, so on and so forth. I don't want that for any child of mine, so I won't have children. It will end with me. It will end with my blood. It will not, MUST not continue. But I don't say that to you. "I just don't want children," I repeat. "Maybe later," you say with a smile. As you walk away, I shake my head. "No," I say softly to myself, "No, I won't."

*These next ones don't have any title yet.*

At this point, I am held together by nothing but unreleased rage, unshed tears, blood, sinew, and bones.

How does it feel father? To have an eldest daughter who maladaptive daydreams, who has to write words on her skin to stop her from hurting herself? How does it feel to know that you caused most of it? You are the cause of my unreleased rage and unshed tears.

I hate when people mistake my silence for being timid. My silence is because it is what has kept me alive. My calmness is my sanctuary. I never let out my anger around people, causing me to be seen as calm. I'm not. It is merely that I have never let out my rage amongst people.

*These next ones are quotes that I wrote, and may use in stories eventually. If you want to use them, you may, but please give me credit if you use them.*

(In response to the question, 'What did I do to deserve you?).
"You don't need to do anything to deserve me. No, wait. You have existed, and that, my love, is enough to deserve me. Everything else is a bonus."

"They were like the universe poured into a person. Beautiful, awe-inspiring, and utterly and completely unreachable."

"I know that they are right there, physically at least. But emotionally, they would never be interested in me like that. And that is fine with me. I will content myself to simply be near them, feeding off any scrap of affection they deign to give me. I will live off of a small smile in my direction, or a funny quip said to make me smile. That is enough for me. It has to be enough."

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So, that's all I have. For now at least. I just wanted to try my hand at poetry and stuff like that. Sorry that the poems don't really rhyme.