Was it worth it?

Please, sir..

CW: drug use, trauma flashbacks, rape

I took the bag, I paid the cash, I crushed the crystals. I took out my Walmart card and cut 6 lines. I rolled a 10 and bent down. With no hesitation I snorted it. My eyes watered and nose started running "Fuck!" I snorted the second one, the third one, the fourth one and started feeling a bit too euphoric. "How strong is this shit?" I whispered to myself as I continued.

After I finished the lines I stood up, almost falling on the ground. "Oh fuck this is good shit". I heard the door open and started packing everything up as fast as possible while floating a little. "Thomas? Are you okay in there? You've been there for a while now I just wanted to check up on you".

Fuck. It's Mr. Shithead. His actual name is Bill Swanson or something and he's the principal. He's caring I guess but his whole persona just rubs me the wrong way. I don't know why. He cares a little too much about my business. "Yeah all good" I say as I get out of the cabin. "Wait wait wait. Thomas, look at me" Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck. FUCK. My pupils. My fucking pupils.

"You have something on your nose." He says as he hands me a tissue. I cleaned my nose and realised it's my snot. "Oh thank you for telling me" I was so fucking relieved. I threw away the tissue. "I'm gonna go to class now" I walked past him without waiting for a response. I got to class and sat there a bit too high.

After an hour passed the effect started fading and I started feeling like shit. 'Is this normal?'

I tried to take deep breaths as I started feeling a panic attack coming. 'No no no no no not again...' I thought as my head started screaming at me.

*10 years ago*

"Hi mom!" I say as I walk to the house. Wait. Where is mom? "Hello Tommy." That's not mom. Where is she? "Where's mom..?" I say terrified. Oh wait. That's just Carl. Mom's friend. "She's not coming home today, Tommy." What? "She asked me to babysit you today. So get comfortable on the couch! Im making popcorn!" 'This is so weird..' I think to myself. Why did she choose Carl? That's just odd. But I sit on the couch and turn on SpongeBob. He brings the popcorn while humming 'Seven Nation Army' and sits down beside me. I start eating popcorn and laugh at the TV. He looks at me with a very weird smile and touches my thigh. "What are you doing, sir...?" He smiles even wider and whispers to my ear "keep calling me sir, Tommy." As he drags his hand higher and kisses my neck. "Please stop..." I whisper in fear as tears started to form. "You can't stop me. And if you say at least a single word to your mother you're dead. And she won't believe you anyway. Has she ever?" He continues kissing down my body as I sob loudly. "PLEASE! STOP!" I beg him. "Say 'please, sir' and maybe I will." He says as he kisses my waistband. "Please, sir..." he continues kissing my body and starts pulling my pants off. I start trying to pull him off and screaming "SIR, PLEASE!" I beg and beg and beg.. he doesn't stop. He flipped my body and took off his pants. I continue begging for him to stop... but he doesn't. He didn't. He never stopped.

*now*

I found myself at the school shrink's office. "How did I get here?" I ask her genuinely confused. What the fuck is going on? "You started having a panic attack and screaming 'please stop' over the whole school bathroom. Principal Swanson brought you here." "Oh. Thanks I guess" I stand up, clean my face and walk out of the office "Wait, Thoma-" she tries to say something but I genuinely don't give a fuck. I walk out of school and light up the cig. I note to myself to not do more than 3 big ones.

He never stopped.

A/N: Thomas is 17 in this story, forgot to mention that.