Our Demons

Eve's Quotes

1. On the darkest days you have to seek out a spot of brightness, on the coldest days you have to search for a spot of warmth; one the bleakest days you have to keep your eyes onward and upward and on the saddest days you have to leave them open and let them cry. To let them dry. To give them a chance to wash out the pain in order to see fresh and clear again.

2. I've been chasing hope for too long now, thinking it'll turn back and stay, but no-it continues down its path running faster and faster and faster.

Run, I'd tell myself, run Eve, run faster, run until your bones break and your shins split and your muscles atrophy and your heart dies because it's been beating for too long and run, run until you drop dead, until you've finally caught hope.

But I never did manage to catch hope.

Instead I tripped over a mass of lies and illusions and now I've finally realised that-

hope is dangerous. It clouds your judgement. It shows you something you truly desire just to snatch it away. It takes too long for you to realise that hope was just mocking you the whole time.

3. I only have my own mind to drown in and all the lifeboats are taken, and I have no one to save me, and oh god, I can't swim I can't swim and it's getting so hard. My limbs are flailing helplessly, the water is- I'm going to die. It's getting so hard. Why's it this hard? Help me, please help help help. Help . . .

4. I have millions of screams caught in my throat, but what's the point of screaming when no one will ever hear you, when no one will ever save you . . .

5. I feel like I'm drowning, that I've been pulled into a whirlpool by an invisible force. And then I see someone that appears to want to help me, and I hope they help me. They hold my hand and smile warmly, only to yank me down and then I'm falling . . .

6. Sometimes, I know pain better than I know myself. I know that pain is agony, agony is suffering. I know that pain is a tool, a tool that helps me strive to become a stronger person. Sometimes I let the pain settle for a moment. Sometimes I'm the one to accidentally inflict pain on others. And sometimes, only sometimes I don't regret it.

7. Swallow the tears back often enough and you'll get used to the salty, bitter taste trickling down your throat.

It's just that terrible moment when you're clenching your fists so hard you draw blood-yet can't seem to feel anything because you don't want them to see you cry but your lips don't seem to stop trembling and a river is rushing up behind your eyes, threatening to betray your face, and you keep whimpering because you'll know they'll judge, they'll laugh, they'll talk behind your back, and the feeling-just the thought of it makes you want to throw up.

8. I'm scared.

That scared little girl who could do nothing more than to murder the ones she loved. I thought I killed that girl a long time ago. I thought I'd snapped her frail body in half and tossed her mangled limbs into the sea.

But sometimes, the past never leaves us alone.

9. Sticks and stones keep breaking my bones, but these words-these words will kill me.

10. My heart is weight in my chest, thudding so hard it hurts. It hurts. It hurts is hurts it hurts. Its sending tremors through my body, threatening to tear me apart. And the screams caught in my chest-they're paralysing me, strangling me. It even hurts to live, to breathe, every single second of it.

11. Hope is like a river, an endless stream, there's so much of it, but as you try and grab it will slip from your grasp, sliding through the gaps in your fingers like water. You'll soon get caught in the current, lost in a river of hope, you'll drown in hope, with hope, and no matter how much you hope, no one will come and save you.

12. Just when you think you are living the life you dreamt of, finally, feeling as if you have taken hold of some hope, life will throw you down a different path and just like the blink of an eye, hope is gone.

13. Give me an ice pack for that bruise, a bandage for that open wound. Stitch back together the broken pieces of my heart, mend the fractured pieces of my soul. But there'll always be scars.

14. I promise you they'll be watching the moment I break, the moment I b r e a k free.

15. Most of us can hide our greatest hurts and longings. It's how we survive each day. We pretend the pain isn't there, that we are made of scars instead of wounds.

16. My is past is coming back to H A U N T me, and what should I do? What's the point of asking for help if everyone I ever loved are gone, murdered by none other myself. How will I ever forgive myself? What's the point of living if deep down, I'll never be able to erase the horrible truth that I am a murderer. . .

17. I'm drowning in my own fears, in my own guilt and shame of the murder I have committed. Boulders of shame are weighing me down, and there's nothing I can do to take back the killing I've done, nothing I can do to take back the pain and wounds I have made others suffer with.

18. Don't try to hide who you are, because it will never work. Eventually, your greatest fears, and regrets will be revealed and there is nothing in your power that you can do to stop it. . .

19. Keep your blade at your enemy's throat, hold it tight and don't let go, and never ever look back.

20. Words are a weapon, a power. Although they will never physically hurt anyone, they will still cut into you, a thousand times worse than being stabbed. They're like a blow to the heart, the head, the eyes, they'll block your vision, make your heart pound a million times faster, make you forget who you are. Words are dangerous.

21. My feet are glued to the floor in a puddle of betrayal, of shame, my past is fighting with me, messing with my head, tearing my insides and taking everything that I have away, who am I? I'm a stranger to myself, I don't know who I am. Screams and echoes of murder swirl around me, oh god, please I need help, I need help, I need my family. Help me, please. But the only sounds are my own screams, caught in my throat, choking me. I'm dying, I need my family but there is no one to help me. Save me from the truth, someone, save me from my past. . .

22. I may be lethal on the outside, but nobody knows me from the inside. I'm just the scared little girl that murdered her own family that I'll always be. Manage to poke a hole, even the smallest one to get into me, figure out all my secrets and regrets and the murder I have done and I'll be more vulnerable to you than you ever thought.

23. Help me, please, I'm caught in hope's clutches, I'm choking, it's tricking me, surrendering me to my past, oh god, someone-someone HELP ME

24. It's gone, it's gone, it's gone. Hopes slipped from my grasp, turned it's back on me, showed me no mercy oh please, stop, please. The agony, it fills me from head to toe. Hope has showed me what I have most desired, showed me a path out, showed me chances on stopping the truth and my past from catching up to me and then it's gone, left no traces, as if it was never there.

The tears well in my eyes, I am reluctant to release them, a million screams of agony, anger, desperation catch in my throat. I'm vulnerable, I'm scared, and I have no idea who I am.