SECRET ~ SEUNGMIN

1

Seungmin woke up cranky. Seungmin didn't even know why he felt like this, he just felt.. weird. He felt warm. He felt a sudden pain in his stomach and he immediately yelped. Why did it hurt? The agonizing pain was somewhat memorizable, and then he felt a gooey liquid in his boxers. He felt his face go pale. His blood went cold, he could feel the denial in him spread.

He couldn't even move with the surprise he had. He now realized why he got this sudden pain, he got the thing he hasn't gotten in years, his period. He could see the scarlet color in his hands when he touched it to see what it was. It was taunting him. He didn't want to believe it.

The feeling was unwelcoming, it hurt. He was here in the toilet, not really knowing what to do. He didn't have pads. He had tampons stored in there but he didn't want to use those, they were terrifying to him. He kept his arms around his stomach, cramps were hell on earth to him. He felt the liquid dancing around his legs, he didn't want to explain the mess later.

He just had to get some toilet paper on his boxers, right? So Seungmin did that. He had to put at least 20 toilet papers in there, because when he finally was done, he felt like a baby penguin.

Afterwards, he went to the store. He didn't want to be caught by fans. They would think he had a girlfriend. He didn't. He wasn't interested in anyone. Maybe fans were just delusional, they always were really. Seungmin started to look for pads with less feminine packaging. He didn't want to be reminded the rest of the week of how his body would always be seen as a girl. And to be honest, he was the thinnest and had the least muscle out of the whole group, but he had a pride to be one of the tallest.

After those thoughts, he went up to the cashier and bought 4 packs of pads. He probably shouldn't have bought so much, where would he keep it now? When he arrived to the dorm, the members were out, thank god for that. Seungmin then decided to put them in a box, he signed it with marker saying that it was his. He was sure his members wouldn't touch it, they know personal space and boundaries.

Seungmin put on the pad and it felt like it didn't belong. Seungmin was a boy. He shouldn't have a pad, but it was just the way of life. It was just simple biology. But sometimes he wished that biology didn't exist.

When the members came back, they came in with a bunch of groceries. Seungmin was just sitting in his bed when that happened, so when he heard the door creak he immediately got out his bed and ran to the door to greet them. The presence of the 7 boys immediately became bright and warm when they saw Seungmin. Han ran to hug Seungmin first, his big smile looked lovely after the depressing events that just happened "Seungmin I was going to ask you if you wanted to come with us, but with the way you were taking so long I thought you were having a long.. poop," oh how Seungmin wished that was the actual problem.

After the rest of the group put their groceries down, they all hugged Seungmin before pulling back. They all decided to go watch a movie, but Seungmin wasn't really in the mood. Seungmin kept looking at his room. He didn't feel a good feeling, he could feel the bad cramps coming back to him. He didn't want to look pathetic in front of the people he considered brothers, that wasn't manly. Seungmin was supposed to be manly.

He couldn't handle the pain, how could he ever? He hadn't experienced it in at least 5 years. He immediately ran to his room when the pain got unbearable. He wished he had at least told his members about it during his debut, but he didn't. The members didn't know, he couldn't have their comfort. They couldn't know. Seungmin could just quietly cry, trying to imagine their comforting voices. What they would do if he told them. He would love the feeling, but the pain was hard to ignore. It felt like he was being ripped apart.

Later, Seungmin fell asleep due to the pain and his stress. Chan kissed him on the forehead and wished him a single goodbye. He couldn't see the miserable tear stains on Seungmin's face because of the lighting. He just brushed it off on why Seungmin would go to sleep on movie nights, and so with that, he left the poor man on his own with nothing but his dread.