Seungmin couldn't believe it. It was here to haunt him again. He wanted to faint right then and there. He never told his members about it. Now he wished he did just for their comfort.
slow updates cause I'm a lazy fuck
(Just to tell you, it isn't a...
Seungmin's days past with him looking at the hospital ceiling. The faint autumn breeze always makes Seungmin's skin shiver when it comes by. He never liked the cold, he always liked the warm feeling of summer. He loved how the heat prickled at his skin, making him feel a sort of comfort since every time that heat came by, he remembered his baseball days. He would be crying to his mom because of how hot it was, and because he finally made a home run.
He missed those days.
Well, maybe he didn't. They kept saying that girls couldn't play baseball. That annoyed the old him, Seohyun. He hated his name. During his trainee days, it was hard to hide himself. He even had to change his legal name just so he could convince them he was an actual guy.
Sometimes, the binder would suffocate him, but he was an A cup. Something he was always grateful for. Even though they were little, they stood out. If you looked close enough, they stood out. Seungmin panicked. He always did. Binders saved him though, he always loved them. He could wear sports bras time to time, they also the trick.
It was during gods menu era that they finally got the sweet money. He decided to get top surgery. Sport bras and binders hurt while dancing or practicing, it was only common sense for him to get that surgery. When he afterwards got the surgery, he felt free, as if he could fly. He really didn't have to worry anymore about his posture too.
Seungmin sighed as his trance of thoughts stopped because of the door opening. Seungmin checked to see who it was, it was just another hospital staff. They asked him questions on how he felt, and if his period stopped. Seungmin nodded and the staff just walked out the door. It was annoying on how he couldn't perform with the rest of the members for S class. It was pissing him off. He could just sit in a chair and sing, right? But they denied. It was really boring without the members. He missed the adrenaline of being able to perform, it was like his blood cells were happily dancing around his system. It was addicting. The throb afterwards made him seek for it more.
Was it a healthy addiction? Probably not as he would always find himself gasping for oxygen like a fish in the dorms. Maybe he gave that illness to himself, maybe he's in this hospital because of himself. Seungmin slapped himself. He shouldn't be thinking that of himself, he'll probably just get worse with negative thoughts. He didn't want to think anymore. His mind was in a trance of sadness. That wasn't what he needed at the moment.
Seungmin later went to sleep with negative emotions deep well inside his heart and mind. It was clouding both, making it thunder. Would he die of a broken heart? Who could know? His fate was already decided far before he himself knew.
1461 - 5 = 1456 days left.
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