Hayes (A Carolina Cyclones Story)

31.

Hayes

The next morning my head is killing me. And for the first time since I got this damn concussion, it's not the reason.

Feelings of self-doubt and guilt gnawed at me all night, keeping me awake as I thought about Jax.

He's a big boy. A professional athlete and a grown man who should know better than to put himself in the kinds of situations he has been known too. He needs to take responsibility for his actions but at the same time I don't want the team to suffer because of his selfishness and inability to control himself.

I need to talk to my coach.

I grab my car keys off the counter and make it about three steps towards the door before the sound of hurried footsteps draws my attention.

"Where do you think you're going?" Maggie asks, her hands placed on her hips and her nipples peaked against her thin nighttime tank top. I feel a little like a tool for noticing but I mean, c'mon, she's practically torturing me by not letting me touch her until I'm cleared. All that pretty, smooth skin showing and no way to appreciate it is incredibly frustrating. And distracting.

Fuck. Focus Hansen.

"I need to talk to Coach about Jax."

"Okay...and how exactly were you planning to get there."

"Drive." I say simply, holding up my car keys. She just stares at me for a moment as if waiting for me to realize something, which I do after a moment, my hand falling and my shoulders slumping. "But I can't drive. I'm not allowed." I say sullenly.

She holds out her hand and I drop my keys within her grasp. "Can you drive me please?"

*

Coach Segue is a mountain of a man. He's built like a brick wall and that's part of what made him such a great goalie when he was still playing. Now he's a damn good coach, one who understands all of the finer points of what it takes to play in this league, including the camaraderie present amongst the best teams, it's one of the main reasons I love playing for him.

When I find him in his office he's sipping black coffee from a steaming mug that reads "world's best dad!" It's worn, as it should be I guess, since the mug looks to be homemade by a child, and his daughter Kate is nearly my age.

It's just after 8 AM and the arena is just beginning to come to life, those who work here daily streaming in through the parking lot to fill their offices and roles, all necessary to make the cog machine that is the Carolina Cyclones run. Maggie even headed to her own office space to work on some sketches while she waits for me to have this talk that I'm dreading.

"It's awfully early for you to be here." Coach comments as he motions me into his office and I take a seat in black office chair.

I glance around, taking in the pristine way my Coach keeps his office. I don't think there's a speck of dust present on any of the bare shelves. They hold only one thing, a framed photo of Coach and Kate when she was a baby, they're on the ice and he's hoisting the Stanley Cup back when he won it with Toronto.

"I know. I'm sorry I asked you to meet with me so early but I know with the game and all today you've got morning skate and probably a million other things going on so I wanted to be sure we could speak for a moment."

"Listen Hanes, you know I can't put you back on the ice u–" "It's not about me or the concussion." I say speaking over him.

"While yes, you know as much as anyone how much I want to be on the ice right now that's not what I came to talk about. I know that's gonna be the doctor's call and I'm doing my best to be patient and my girlfriends making sure I rest and all." I don't miss the way his eyes raise in surprise, as seems to be everyone's reaction when I mention Maggie, but he's not one to meddle in his players' personal lives so if he has a comment he holds it in.

"That's good. We'll get you tested again in a couple days to see what the outlook will be. Hopefully the boys can get through this round and we'll get you back out there for round two."

"I appreciate that. But maybe the boys we'll do so well you won't even need me." I laugh.

"We've talked about the self-deprecating Hayes." He says firmly, in a fatherly way, a good fatherly way, that sobers me up. "You bring calm to the boys that they need. You're level headed and supportive to a fault. You're an integral part to this team even if you choose not to let yourself believe it. There's a reason you were picked as Captain."

I heave out a sigh, not really feeling up to that particular argument right now.

"I didn't come out here to talk about me though, Coach."

"So what did you come to talk about then?" He asks, leaning back in his chair and sliding his hands together so that his fingers interlock.

"Jax."

Coach's face drops and he sits up, leaning forward, his elbow propped on the wooden top of his large desk. 

"What now?"

The way he says it shows that he's reached his wits end with my friend, exactly what I'm concerned about.

"I'm not sure what to say to him, Coach. When we talked a few weeks ago I took that conversation seriously. I tried to look out for him, encourage him to make better decisions, but he seems to only half hear me when we talk about this stuff. I mean, I told him I thought his job might be on the line with his contract coming up and I thought that might get him to straighten himself out which it did, for about a day. Then he was right back to making an ass of himself."

"And I'm guessing you being here means he made an ass of himself last night?"

"Yup. Showed up drunk off his ass, possibly high, at my house. Busted through the front door, almost took out my girlfriend, then asked me point blank in front of her if I wanted to go with him to the hourly hotel to get laid."

"I don't know that I needed quite that many details." He grimaces, leaning forward and propping his chin with his hand. "I really don't know what to do with Faulkner if I'm being honest, Hansen. He's a great player but at some point that stops being enough. I'm not sure how to get through to him. He respects you, looks up to you, even if you don't let yourself believe you're a role model, you are. I'm gonna think about it a little bit, maybe I'll talk to him in the off season and see where his head is at and we'll go from there. Thanks for coming to me, Hayes. I know it's a difficult position to be in but I appreciate your honesty. Go home and rest up, I'll see you in a few days and see if we can't see about getting you back on the ice."

"Alright, thanks Coach. See you soon."