Why Her?

Chapter |1|

2 years later.....

Ruiling's pov

Nothing could describe how much pain I felt as I stood in front of the graveyard of:

Kim Ara

I stood still with my head down, not wanting anyone to look at me. The tears rolled quickly down my eyes, again. I stood with the guilt of my girlfriend dying, right in front of my eyes and I could not do anything to save her from the slow and painful death consuming her, paling her cheeks, making her breaths unsteady and finally making her heartbeat stop. I stood with a bandage covering my left shoulder till the left side of my neck, making me wince every time I look up at her body, un-moving and there was no movement across her chest or her stomach.

The heartbeat that I would feel across her chest whenever she would hug me tight, whenever her arms would wrap around my waist, tightly, making me smile every time I looked down in her green eyes. Her arms wrapping around me like a blanket of protection and warmth, fighting every single nightmare or darkness whenever they try to hurt me.

The same heartbeat that lulled me back to sleep as she calmed me down whenever I would have a nightmare, clutching her tight in my arms, head placed on her chest listening to her heartbeat, just to let myself know that she was still alive and happy in my arms.

The same heartbeat that I felt stop right in my arms, as I tried to protect her from the death, but I was not fast enough to stop it. The same heartbeat that I heard stop while she was clutched tight in my arms trying to stop the blood around her left shoulder but I was not quick enough. The same heartbeat that stopped as she took her last breath, while looking at me with her lips parted and eyes opened.

It didn't feel great to close the same loving green eyes that would look at me with such care. I looked down at her, desperately trying to search for any signs that she was still alive, still happy in my arms but everything just stopped.

Her heartbeat.

Her pulse..

The movement of breathing...

The world around me....

Her green irises that looked at me for the last time.....

My world just stopped.

I looked up at her photo situated on her grave, smiling beautifully, the same smile that used to wash away any kind of stress and just stare at her, for me. I trailed up to the podium standing still in front of the people who cared for her and mourned. My head still down, I placed her favourite lilies in front her portrait. Then, I walked down trying not to let the salty water flow down my eyes again.

There were very few people, maximum 20. She did not have a family. She used to live on her own, the most individual and confident person I had ever met. I don't know much about her parents because she did not like to mention them and I respected that. Still remembering the day we met, when we were in our teenage phase, still discovering ourselves. We were almost 15 when we met. Her nervous, almost shy smile greeting me, asking me in most timid voice cause she found me intimidating. My mind hazing with the subtle memory of meeting her.

"Do you ever feel bad about doing something terrible yet fun?" a 14-year old Ara asked the girl beside her as they both sat alone on a bench while the other students played basketball.

A 15-year old Ruiling looked beside her, surprised that the new student actually spoke to her. Usually people were scared to look at her cause of how intimidate she came of with her sharp and fierce eyes.