Why Her?

Chapter |5|

Ruiling's pov

The night went long, the skies heavy with dark clouds, light sparked its way across the city. The moon hid behind the clouds, taking its shine away with it. My mind clogged with thoughts, while my hands shivered in my pockets, realising the temperatures going down. I took out my phone, the bright light shone on my face and the sight of my wallpaper welcomed me, it contained a picture of her features, smiling drunkenly towards the camera, droplets dropped down on the screen as the sudden memory of her brushed in my mind,

The giggle ringed in the silent night of summer as I looked beside me and her dimples greeted, her eyes dazed as she stared at the starry night above us.

"What are you laughing about?" my eyes still strained on her, moved to her lips as they stretched into a smile. "You don't wanna hear it." she said as she linked her arm with mine and turned her eyes to stare at me dazedly. "You are so pretty, rue."

The sudden compliment catching me off-guard, as her fingers walked in my hands, lacing themselves with mine. Her black eyes bore into mine before trailing down to my lips, and I could already feel her kiss.

But before she kissed me, she stood up before walking towards the railing and I trailed after her, cautiously. Her drunken state was staring up at the stars and eyes filled with unknown emotion, as I smiled at the scene. "Rue,....." her soft voice whispered out my name, as I strolled towards her, "Yes?".

"Aren't they beautiful?" she questioned as her eyes still strained on the stars, she giggled again and looked up to me. I took out my phone before clicking a picture of her and her voice giggled. Her eyes dazed and shining, she puckered her lips before passing out and falling against me.

I opened the door to my apartment as I pushed the memory to the back of my mind. The cold air brushed through my body, as the numbness increased. The digital clock beside the shoe rack showed the current time,

10:37 p.m.

I sighed before making my way towards the kitchen and helping myself with food. I took out the stack of ramyeon and keeping it on the counter while I waited for the water to boil. The dizziness soon came to abrupt me from my thoughts and I gripped the counter with my hands to help me steady myself before slowly sliding down to curl and put my head on my knees. My breaths became uneven, as the tears of my sorrow slid down my cheeks. The sobs racked through my body, swaying my body, black spots covered my vision, making me close my eyes and I gripped my hair to calm down. Her voice ringed in my mind, the same voice to tell me to breathe.

I took in deep breaths, as the sizzling sound of the boiled water faded out only focusing on the soft, tender voice of hers which helped me every time I had a panic attack. I slowly opened my eyes and released my hair from the tight grip before looking around carefully, my vision swayed before stabilising, encouraging me to stand up. I turned towards the stove and added the desirable ingredients in the pot, making myself food to survive.

Soon the next day I found myself in the graveyard, in front of her grave. I placed down the lilies and sat down on the ground. The sky above me lit with the thunders, no sun in sight as the dark clouds covered it, but it didn't pour any rain. I sniffled before mumbling, "I can't do it. The living, I can't. It's too hard without you. I would've never went if I knew you were gonna be tortured to death. I-" the emotions clogged up my throat, making it difficult for me to talk. "Every time I close my eyes, I see you. And it's really not helping me. It always takes me to the day I met you, or when I kissed you, or when you died."

The tears silently slid down as I clutched my hands, drawing blood with my nails. "Why did it have to be you? If he had taken me I would've handled it well. He should've taken me. He's going to pay for what he did, he took you away from me. He-" the first sob left my mouth, unbearable emotions coursed through my body. "I'll kill him, even if it takes for me to sacrifice my life, my body, my mind, my heart, anything."