DESIDERIUM

thirty five

I raise my hand to open the door to my mates' house for the fifth time now, but I still don't go through with it.

Instead, I lift my hand up to my face to hit my forehead repeatedly.

"You dumb bitch, just open the fucking door," I try to encourage myself, emphasis on the try, because it's not really working and I just end up sitting on the doorstep.

"So... how long is this gonna take?" I jump at the sudden voice and turn towards Adrian, probably looking like a deer caught in headlights. 

"A long time," I mumble, unsure of how to react to the teasing gaze he's giving me.

"Are you always this scared to walk in the house?" he asks, his voice suddenly taking a serious tone and I can't help but gulp soundlessly.

"Not really."

I feel a shiver run down my spine when he puts his hand on the small of my back to push me forward lightly, so I follow him inside, once he opes the door. 

"What did my father talk to you about?" he asks, and for one small moment I feel relieved, but then I start panicking because I haven't thought about an excuse.

And let's not forget that Adrian is pretty good at detecting my lies.

"Just some stuff about him and Tristan, what happened between them," I try to lie as little as possible so that there's nothing for him to question.

As I turn towards him, his face visibly darkens, and for the first time I came back here, I think about how Tristan's presence might be affecting Adrian.

"Uh, I'm sorry by the way. I don't... I don't know how this has been affecting you. Tristan here, and all," I mumble, and he looks at me quizzically for a while, before he huffs out a breath.

"You apologize too much. I'm just glad that he was there for you when I wasn't but should've been."

His words make something in my chest squeeze together and I exhale softly, at the thought of never having met Tristan, "he saved me."

My confession just makes Adrian nod softly, his knuckles lightly caressing the back of my hand, as if he was afraid of taking hold of it.

"I think you were the one that saved him," he tells me, pulling his hand away, and I just look at him for a few moments, nodding, and when he starts walking into the living room, I follow him like a lost puppy.

"Hi," Levi greets us, hair disheveled and eyes small, the blanket draped over him falling on the floor when he sits up to stretch his arms.

Adrian basically throws himself beside him on the couch and when they both look at me expectantly, I sit down next to Levi, only now noticing how tired I really am.

"So, everything good with Tristan?" Levi asks, hesitantly reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

Of course, the hair doesn't stay there, it's too short to be tucked behind my ears. Levi huffs at that, and I smile a little at the sleepy state he's still in.

"Yeah, Tristans alive and breathing," I tell him, and he nods, seemingly satisfied.

We just sit in silence for some time, before Adrian breaks it by sighing and sitting up straighter, so he can face me.

At the look on his face, my heart stops beating for a second. And all I can think is, he knows.

"You know we had a pack meeting today?" he questions, and I nod, trying to get my heartbeat under control.

"Well, we mostly talked about how in the last few weeks there were many sightings of rogue wolfs or even hunters. Rarely the same ones. That means there are a lot more than there were the day... Levi got shot," I don't know if he does it consciously, but at his words, he reaches out to put his hand on the nape of Levi's neck, as if making sure he's still here.

"Therefore we all agreed that it would be best if we got some backup here, just in case," he explains, and I nod, confused as to why he's frowning at me, relieved that he doesn't know, scared about when he'll find out.

"We called other packs, like the crimson pack or the river pack, and they agreed to send us some of their warriors but we need-"

"The blood moon pack," I finish for him, and he nods, his eyes locked with mine intensly.

"And? Did he agree?"

He as in Alpha Everett. Alpha of the strongest pack of this century, and probably more than just this one century.

The moon goddess knows what happened to him to become the powerful leader he is today, but he is respected by packs all over the world, and his men and women are known to be the strongest and fiercest warriors.

"He just doesn't really do... calls," Levi tries to explain, and I furrow my eyebrows, confused at their antics.

"What? Just spit it out already."

"Alpha Everett doesn't do... business," I have to refer myself from smirking at his choice of words, "on the phone. He wants to meet the people with a request such as ours personally."

Slowly the pieces in my fand fall together.

"And as Alpha and Luna of the pack, you're the ones that need to do so," they nod, and I'm confused as to why they're acting like this.

"So? You you're going to be away for a few days."

"Yes."

"And what's the issue?"

I'm thoroughly confused now.

"There's no issue-" Adrian starts, but gets cut off by an impatient Levi.

"We want you to come with us," he blurts out, and for a second I just look at them, before bursting out in laughter.

"Sorry, fuck," I tell them, after calming down a little, "that's, that's all you wanted to say... or ask?"

They're such idiots sometimes, seriously. But I think I'm actually just relieved that they haven't found out about... that yet, and that's why this is so amusing to me.

"Well, yes," Adrian hesitantly answers, and Levi just nods, looking at me with the same confused look I looked at them only a few moments ago.

"Okay, I'll go with you," I shrug, and Levi's face lights up, and suddenly his arms are around me, and I'm pulled against his chest awkwardly.

I look surprised up at Adrian, who I'm facing now, but he just shrugs, and so I let Levi hug me. I don't miss the envious look on Adrian's face though. 

"Why was that so hard to ask?" I question, once Levi pulls away, and they just shrug, which makes me roll my eyes.

"We just... it's hard to really have time for anything other than pack duties, so we thought this would be a nice chance to... spend time together," Adrian explains, and I nod in understanding, something about their timidity about something like this pulling at my heart strings. 

A few years back a question like this wouldn't have been this difficult to ask. 

But baby steps, right? 

"When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow... at 6 a.m," Levi tells me, and I just stare at them blankly for a few moments. 

"You're kidding."

"No," they answer simultaneously, and when I look at the clock and read that it's 11.38 already, I groan.

Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. 

hi guys... it's me again. sorry for the long wait. I kinda have an idea of how I want to continue this book now