3:00 am.
3 in the fucking morning! My mind hates me!!! I can't sleep. My mind going a million miles a minute. Thousands of thoughts, all invading my mind. Poisoning myself.
Your aren't enough. Aren't good enough. Aren't pretty. Aren't smart. Don't have any friends. Don't have anyone! People are pretending to like you! They are only tolerating you. You are trash. Stupid. Dumb. Not enough. EVER. You will never be. Just stop breathing already. No one would care. It would not effect anyone.
STOP! STOP! STOP IT!!!!! PLEASE! I crumble. I can't take this. My act is just a act. I have zero confidence and worth in myself. I need someone. Please 🙏. My life is a mess. I don't want to be around no more. I need someone to show and tell I mean something to them. And be patient with me. I need someone. God, I am being so so selfish.
My shaking hands feel around if my phone. Water is blocking my view. It's all blurry.
•••••••
*contacts*
My boy❤️
Purple is my color boy☂️
Fire boy🔥
Cam💛
Bash💛
Bear🧸🐻
Dummy💛
Molly/sis
Mom
Dad
I pick the first name I see.
Calling: My boy❤️
*ring,ring,ring,ring,ring*
Please pick up.
"Hello?" His voice is rough and dry.
"Hey." My voice small. Oh my.
"Baby? It that you?" Sounding more alert.
"Sorry," That's all I could say.
"Are you ok?! It like 3:06 am." He doesn't sound annoyed. Shouldn't he be mad, upset, pissed, and fucking annyoyed at me?
"........."
"You still there?.......Baby answer me. Baby?" He sounds desperate. Does he care about me?
"I'm sorry" My voice starts to break. I have to say it again. I have to make sure he knows I did know what else to do, who else to go to.
"Are you ok? I don't care about the time. Just tell me, ok? That's what a need to know right now? Baby you can trust me." I nod my head.
"Ok," my voice breaks again "I.....I....I don't know what to do or," I chocked back the tears try to break thought, say all the unspoken words. The words I can't say. I just can't. "who to go too. I'm sorry. I woke you. Um......you know what I'll just hang up so you can go back to sleep." Right as a try, his voice breaks thought my thoughts and actions.
"Baby! Don't just......if you want tell me. You can I will not tell a soul." The words slip out of my mouth before I can stop or process it.
"Canyoucomeover?"
"Come over?"
"Yes." I barely say over a whisper. I would be surprised if he hear me, I kinda wish he didn't and did at the same time.
"Give me 5 and I'll be there."
"Ok?" what? I hang up as he does. I go to my window, making sure it's unlocked.
••••••••••
It slides up in a couple of monuments later. Theo slips in. Climbing in he says
"Baby, I'm here. If you need me, I'm here-always." He then kissed my head. At that I break. I can't take it.
Holding me, I feel safe and wanted. God. This shouldn't be happening. People only break you. Why am I willing let people in, again? My thoughts drift, a warm and fuzzy feeling settles in the pit of my stomach.
I go into a deep sleep.
••••••
AN: not fuzzy, sorry and if the chapter made you cry- same; not realistic with the end
Ok. Constructive criticism? Comments? Votes? Thank for reading.
Bye loves 😘✌️
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The Basketball Guys And Their Emotional Gal
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