Big Emo 6

Too Many War Wounds, and Not Enough Wars

Patrick and I duck behind a wall to avoid the green gentleman, who is now attacking us with my own music. "Patrick, move faster!" I wail. Patrick runs with me, but is incredibly slow. "Patrick, I said move faster! Don't you listen to a word I say?"

"Of course," Patrick says. "I care what you think, Gerard. I just am not built for running."

I manage to flee from the green gentleman until we reach a window. "We will need to jump out the window. Get up and go!" Patrick orders.

"No! I'm not doing that!" I protest. "Haven't you people ever heard of a g-" "It is not polite to use profanity," Patrick interrupts.

"Fine," I sigh. "I'll jump." Patrick grabs ahold of me, and we jump out the second floor. Luckily, I don't break my foot because Patrick inflates to protect me.

"You are safe now, Gerard. Would you like to go home?" Patrick asks.

"No!" I say. "We have to report that guy to the police. He almost killed us!"

Patrick walks with me to the police station, where an officer named Officer Spooky Jim has us recount the day's events.

"So you're saying a green gentleman tried to attack you with loud music?" he says, confused. "Yes!" I exclaim. "I have the music right here, and my robot saw everything! Tell them, Patrick!"

"The emo is telling the truth, Officer - LOW BATTERY," Patrick says, his pupils rolling like dice.

"Kid, we can call your parents, but we have a more important case to work on right now," says Officer Spooky Jim. "Over by the Better Living Industries building downtown, somebody's car radio was stolen. You'll just have to sit in silence for now, kid."

Patrick is now malfunctioning, and Officer Spooky Jim is no help, so I drag the robot out of the police station by his fedora.

"It was the summer of 2001..." Patrick slurs, and I realize getting him home will be difficult.

How do you hide a drunk robot from your uncle?