The Goodbye Girl

chapter 2o : he fell harder

It was a cold and rainy afternoon. There was an eerie silence inside the car even if every seat was occupied. No one could look at each other, knowing damn well how tough it was for each of us.

I felt Blueberry squeeze my hand. I leaned my head lightly against his shoulder and held his hand back tightly.

"Don't cry okay?" he whispered.

I couldn't bring myself to answer, so I just closed my eyes shut and kissed his hand.

Moments later, I felt the car stop. I didn't open my eyes, trying to convince myself that it was just because of traffic. But then the door opened, and I heard them begin to get off the van. Soon, I had no choice but to open my eyes and let go of Blueberry's hand. By the time I stepped out of the van, I found myself right in front of the aiport.

***

Suitcases were lined up on the parking lot ground.

Carri and the twins had tears in their eyes as they took turns saying their goodbyes to Blueberry. And then there was Blueberry who was just smiling and joking around like he wasn't about to leave for uncertainty.

When it was Braylee's turn to say goodbye to her brother, that was when I lost it. It was hard seeing Braylee sob uncontrollably while Blueberry was trying to put on a brave and happy face. I knew it hurt him seeing Braylee be torn up like that.

I couldn't take it anymore, so I walked away from them and passed by multiple cars. By the time I reached the empty and silent corner of the parking lot, away from everyone's sight, my shoulders dropped as I gave in to my emotions.

Memories of Blueberry and I flashed before my eyes. I clutched my heart and just cried in silence.

Moments later, I heard footsteps coming my way, followed by the familiar thumping of Blueberry's cane.

I knew it was him but I couldn't dare to turn around and face him. 

"Do you know why even if we were in a relationship, I didn't want you to see my bad days?"

I swallowed hard and gasped, trying to clear my breathing. I tried to speak, but only soft cries came out of my mouth.

"I wanted you to remember me as Bryan Leandro Emanuel . . . the guy who plays basketball, Braylee's handsome older brother, The Emanuel's first-born, The adopted twin brother of Janus and Jasper, and the guy who loved you a lot. Everyone will remember me as the friend, the classmate, the relative, the guy who left because he got sick. I didn't want you to remember me like that Tree. I wanted you to remember me for who I really am."

Sa puntong iyon ay tuluyan akong napaharap sa kanya. Parang muling pinagpira-piraso ang puso ko nang makita ang mga mata niyang lumuluha na.

"I won that bet, Tree. You owe me a wish now," he said, smiling faintly.

I bit my trembling lips, and even if it hurts, I nodded. "Anything for you."

Blueberry took a step toward me, his eyes never leaving mine. "Once I step inside that airport, let me be a happy memory of your past."

"Blueberry!" Napahagulgol ako nang tuluyan.

"This is the end for you and I. It's time for us to walk separate paths now." Tears streamed down his face as he uttered the words I've been dreading to hear.

I knew what I was in for from the moment we held each other's hand. Even if it hurts, I nodded and smiled at him. "We'll walk different paths but that doesn't mean I love you less."

Blueberry nodded and took another step, closing the distance between us.

I closed my eyes as I felt his kiss on my forehead. "No matter where I go. No matter what happens. You will always be the love of my life."

I looked up and caressed both of his cheeks as my lips reached for his. It was a kiss like no other. It felt bittersweet but full of love and warmth. And as our lips parted, he smiled tearfully and took a step back. 

"All this time, I've been saying goodbye to everyone I love." The smile on Blueberry's face momentarily disappeared and I saw nothing but vulnerability in his eyes. "I don't want to say goodbye to you, Tree."

For the first time, he finally took off the brave mask he was wearing for us. 

"Can you say goodbye to me instead?" he asked, almost pleading.

Isang hikbi ang kumawala mula sa bibig ko. Sandali akong pumikit at nang dumilat ay pinilit ko ulit na ngumiti sa kabila ng mga luhang rumaragasa. 

"Thank you for coming into my life, Bryan Leandro Emanuel. I'm letting you go now."

***

We watched as Blueberry and his parents lined up to enter the airport. And as they passed through the gates and glass doors, Bryan turned to look at us and waved his hand to bid us goodbye.

"Goodbye, Blueberry," I mouthed as soon as our eyes met.

The corners of Blueberry's lips rose to a warm and loving smile. 

I smiled back and waved, not knowing it was the last time I would ever get to see his smile again.

//