His Broken Luna

Chapter Four: Normal

I couldn't sleep that night. Actually, I could, I just couldn't stay asleep. Every time I dosed off, I dreamed of Ansel. Nice dreams at first, ones of him smiling and hugging me, kissing me. But then they shifted, morphing into the night Grayson was killed, only with Ansel there, too. He watched, horrified, as the wolf I fight so desperately to ignore tore into the man who killed my husband. The smell of blood and gunpowder and rain filled my nostrils as I bolted upright in bed. Then I'd convince myself to go back to sleep, only for it to happen all over again. 

Finally, I decided to get out of bed at five AM and put on a pot of coffee. I hated coffee, but it was something I had done for Grayson when he was alive, so it was still part of my morning routine. I was too wired from the nightmares of the night before to sit still, so I decided to go for a run to help burn off some of my nervous energy. 

Before I turned, I was never a runner. I wasn't a couch potato either, but I never would have been caught dead running. Or jogging, for that matter. The wolf changed that, though. Hell, it practically demanded I do something strenuous and exhausting in the week leading up to a full moon. And since hitting the gym wasn't an option out in the middle of nowhere, running was my only choice.

It was pitch-black outside, the winter air crisp and dry. It stung my lungs as I dragged in a breath, the wolf inside me pushing me to run faster, run harder. I ran down the dirt road that led to my cabin and circled around the man-made lake, but the run wasn't fast enough for the wolf. So, I pushed myself harder, gasping in harsh air, grunting as my arms and legs burned from moving. 

It was my third lap around the lake when the wind carried a scent that stopped me dead in my tracks. The wolf took over then, raising my head to the sky and inhaling deeply. I didn't recognize the smell, but it was doing things to me, nasty things. Before I could stop myself, I was already running towards the scent, my heart pounding and stomach clenching. 

All thought left my head, it was the wolf driving me now. I didn't worry about how abnormal this was, or about what I was going to do once I got to whatever smelled so fuckable. And when I finally stopped, I didn't think about the fact that it was Ansel's cabin the wolf had brought me to. 

"Where is he?" The wolf made me growl, panting and needy. 

This was so not normal. I needed to regain my composure, to tamp down the wolf's desires, my desires. But the wolf was strong, and it had been so long since I'd been with another person. The thought of being with someone else instantly made me think of Grayson, and just like that, I was in control again. Closing my eyes, I inhaled and exhaled slow, deep breaths. 

This is my body. I told the wolf. You may get it one night each month, but it's still mine. 

I was shaking, angry and sad and horny. 

You don't control me. 

You don't control me.

You don't--

Another gust of wind cut off my thoughts, and this time the smell was stronger. It was a mixture soap, cedar, and pure man, and absolutely destroyed my resolve. 

My feet started to move on their own toward the back of Ansel's cabin, when his voice froze me solid. "Hello, Ella." 

I turned to face him, rigid, and offered him an awkward wave. "Hey, Ansel."

"What are you doing out here?" He asked, sounding amused. 

"Well, I, um." I stammered, looking down to hide my reddened cheeks. "I couldn't sleep and decided to go for a run and then I found myself here and thought about seeing if you were awake and--"