Somber Light | DISCONTINUED

Chapter 11

Amara

When I went down to dinner, it was silent. We ate in silence and nobody glanced at each other.

After dinner, I just went back into my room. I sat down at my desk and pulled out my notebook.

Dear Thoughts Book,

I did it again. Three more. My life is so screwed up and it's exhausting.

I mean, here at my brothers is better than it was. I saw Gael and Maria again. I missed them.

Yeah but Gael dropped the bomb that they're in the Mafia. I would've figured it out anyway because I speak a bunch of languages.

Then, they asked in Italian if they thought I knew and I replied that I did. Dante was pissed.

Like really pissed.

We almost punched each other until he mentioned back in Seattle. It's like everything shut off. It's always a constant reminder of there with the scars but just being asked is enough to shut me down.

I hate feeling weak and vulnerable yet I always end up that way. Why?

God, I resisted but I couldn't control myself and needed to feel something.

I'm sorry. It's so hard to keep up.

Sincerely, TBP, Unknown.

I sighed, sketching a picture on the right page. (Shown up above)

I laid my head down on my desk and inhaled before I jerked it up at the knock of my door.

I quickly closed it when the door opened. "Hey bambina," Emiliano said. "We're going to watch a movie. Want to come watch?" He asked.

I needed something to take my mind off of so I nodded and followed him down. All my brothers were scattered around the three couches. 

Emiliano went and plopped down on one next to Luca, patting the spot next to him. I reluctantly went and sat down next to him, stiff.

"I'm picking what we watch," Santino said, snatching the remote. He scrolled down on Prime to Top Gun.

I've never seen that one before, but it seemed good. The lights were off and the only light source was the TV as everyone was engrossed in the movie.

A bit of the ways through, I started to get more comfortable and propped my elbow up on the armrest where I set my head in my palm.

My eyes started to get heavy but I fought sleep. "Come here, bambina," Emiliano whispered to me.

I looked at him and reluctantly sidled over. He patted his lap where I stiffly laid my head down, looking up. 

He wouldn't hurt me, right?

I gulped a bit, relaxing a tiny bit more. My eyelids were heavy but I fought hard to keep them over.

"Don't fight sleep, love," Emiliano said, stroking my hair. I eventually closed my eyes and drifted off into a shocking peaceful slumber.

--------------

Emiliano

The movie stopped and my brothers started to get up but I shushed them, pointing down to the sleeping Amara.

I saw their faces soften. Even when asleep though, her face seemed to contort up in pain. 

"She looks more peaceful," Luca said quietly which got nods from my other brothers. Alessandro and Santino pulled out their phones, snapping a quick picture.

I chuckled a bit, careful not to wake her. Even Dante had a look of...Love on his face which was an absolute shocker.

I carefully picked her up in my arms and cradled her head against my chest. She was so light. It made me wonder what she was hiding.

All my brothers followed me upstairs as I brought her up and gently set her on her bed, giving a gentle kiss to her forehead.

All the others followed my action besides Dante although I could tell he wanted to. We all walked out and I gently closed her door.

"I'm going to kill those fuckers," Dante muttered.

"They're already dead," Lorenzo stated to which Dante grumbled before stomping off to his room.

I sauntered back to my room and the same question ran through my mind. Who hurt her?

----------------------

Amara

I woke up in a sweat. God damnit, I was actually having a peaceful sleep full of nothing before their voices slid into my void of dreams.

I gulped and got out of bed, making my way over to my window. Here is where I got out and went fighting the first or second night. I honestly don't remember.

I opened it and immediately a breeze blew my hair back past my shoulders. I hopped up on the sill and swung my legs over onto the roof.

I shimmied across it until I reached that tree and made my way down. I landed in the grass but instead of heading to the front gate where the entrance and exit was, I went to the back where the big garden was.

A guard spotted me in my sweatpants and sweatshirt, pointing his flashlight at me as I shielded my face. He was about to speak before I cut him off. "Don't speak. Just let me enjoy the peace," I said with a sigh.

I saw him drop his flashlight. "Alright Ms. Marino. Just this once," he said.

"Thank you," I said, really out of energy for speaking. "Just call me Amara," I said before walking to the large willow tree in the middle of the garden.

The garden was laid out beautifully. Stone surrounded everything and then there was a large dirt strip that made a circular courtyard with many beautiful flowers and bushes with a large willow tree in the middle and a bench.

I made my way to the bench and plopped down. I let my fingertips glide over the frail branches that hung down.

"Why is this so hard?" I whispered. "Why did my life turn out like this?" I silently questioned.

Nobody said anything back though. Not like I expected somebody to pop out and say 'because you're a failure and deserved all of it!'

Sighing, I closed my eyes and leaned back, letting the calming sound of the wind and the faint sounds of the crickets calm me down.

I made a mental note to bring my sketchbook and draw out here. I loved art. That was all that kept me going besides Gael and Maria.

Art was my passion. One passion people don't see past my rough exterior is animals.

I really love animals. I used to help the stray dogs and cats when I could. Even if it meant giving up my only food that I scrounged up.

I really want a bunch of animals. I know I won't tell anybody though so like, that dream is down the drain. 

After a while, I decided to head back to my room. I went back to that same tree, climbed up it and back onto the roof where I got through my window and closed it. 

I let out a breath and rested my head against the wall for a second until a clearing of a throat made me snap my head up and whip around.

Dante.