Moral Devotions

27| Macy

Why is it that it always rains during funerals? It's like the universe knows it's a depressing day, and it just wants to make the people hurting feel even worse.

"You're gonna be fine." Declan had whispered in my ear this morning. "I'll be there the entire time."

But he's not here. At least not right beside me. He's in the back somewhere, probably clenching his jaw until his molars dig into each other.

I nibble on my bottom lip as my father begins his speech with tears in his eyes.

She was a wonderful girl, but an even better daughter. She was taken too soon. She had so much life in her. She will be missed by all. Anyone who got to meet her was blessed.

Those are the words spoken throughout the entire ceremony, or at least the ones I hear. I can barely hear myself think today, let alone hear someone else speak.

I stare at my sister's open casket, wishing it was closed. She's gone, dead. Why would I want to see her like that? With all the makeup caked on her face, she looks like a doll. I hate it. My sister was a smoky eye, red lipstick, cut-off jean shorts with a bralette kind of girl. Not this pink blush, shimmering eye shadow, pale pink lipstick figure lying in this white casket.

The girl lying before me isn't my sister, and it's entirely my fault.

"Get up, honey." Aunt Nicole whispers gently, taking hold of my hand. I pull it away from her and clasp my hands together. Her hand lands on my back and she guides me toward the casket, but I relent.

I shake my head. "Don't make me go up there."

"You have to."

Tears stream down my face. "Don't make me go."

Suddenly my father appears in front of me. "Macy, come on. Time to say goodbye." He grips my arm and starts pulling me towards my sister.

"No." I pull back.

"Yes."

"No!" I scream, then another hand lands on my other arm. I look to the side and my throat begins to close when I see Uncle Ryan.

"Come on, Macy. Don't cause a scene."

I look over my shoulder to find Declan, but he's nowhere to be found.

"Let me go!"

My father and uncle drag me up to the platform, and I drop to my knees in front of the casket. "No!" I sob, shaking my head. "No, no, no!"

Uncle Ryan picks me up underneath my arms and presses his front against me. My breathing stalls entirely at the hardness beginning to press against my behind.

"Let me go!"

"Say goodbye, Macy."

I look away from the casket, my vision entirely blurry. "She's gone. You're never going to see her again."

My ears begin to ring and I sob in pain.

I jolt awake with a gasp and reach for my chest.

With a quivering breath, I reach around the bed, searching for anything to grab.

Movement beside me has me continuing to gasp for air.

"Macy?" A deep voice asks. "Macy, baby." Two arms wrap around my body and I want to scream. But something envelopes me. A scent. A familiar scent that feels cozy. "Hey," He whispers, stroking the top of my head. Suddenly the light turns on and I start to become aware of my surroundings. "Sweetheart, it's okay."