Helluva Lifestyle

Spring Broken

Roxanne's POV:

I'm sitting in Blitzø's lap as he drives the six of us to our office building's parking lot, and the radio blasts through the van as Blitzø sings along. Loona's sitting in the front passenger seat, annoyed at Blitzø's singing, and Moxxie's in the back next to Millie, covering his ears while Millie rolls down the window smiling. Then, a pink car pulls into our usual spot.

Blitzø: "Holy shit-" *honks horn*

Blitzø slams onto the brakes, turns off the radio, and glares at the pink car with the license plate that reads 'SUCKS-4-LIFE'.

Blitzø: "Oh, you suck for life, do ya?-*pulls out megaphone*-Listen up, you unoriginal pink cum dump! You have 3 goddamn seconds to get your tits out of my parking spot!"

The passenger steps out of the car and turns out to be pop star Verosika Mayday.

Blitzø: "Oh, shit! Verosika!"

Verosika: "Blitzø."

Blitzø: "I should have known you'd be here. I could smell fish for miles, which is odd. Because, I believe the nearest ocean is-"

Blitzø falls out of the van onto the ground before standing up.

Blitzø: "3 rings down!"

Verosika: "And I should have known you'd be here when I heard the AMBER Alerts."

Blitzø: "Oh, yeah? I'm surprised they let your fat ass outta rehab. I can see you're still a drunken whore, clutching onto that Beelzejuice bottle like it's the last cock in Hell!"

Verosika: *dramatic hair flip* "They let me out because I'm still famous. And rehab is for sad, loser wash-ups. So, your sister says 'hi'."

Blitzø: "Why are you parking here?! This is the only parking spot my company has! So take your tampon race car somewhere else!"

Verosika: "Actually, prick. It has my name on it."

Verosika points down to her name written in purple spray paint by their feet. I.M.P. is crossed out on the ground.

Verosika: "I'm doing a bit of freelance for one of the infinitely more successful companies in the building-"

Loona: "No way."

Verosika: "And they wanted to have me come in this week to lead their team during spring break."

Blitzø: "A week?! No, no, you are not parking here for a fuckin' week!"

Verosika: "Aw, you mad, Blitzo? You gonna run off, leaving someone else to pay for the hotel room, steal their car and-"

Blitzø & Verosika: "Run 3 rings to Wrath and max my credit cards on shitty horse riding lessons?!"

Blitzø: "Goddamn it, whore, you will not let that go!"

Verosika: "Choke on a sandpaper cock."

Verosika flips Blitzø off and walks away while Loona lowers her head in the van.

Blitzø: "Hold on! You better move that pussy wagon right now, or I'm gonna-"

A tall hellhound approaches Blitzø with a growl.

Tex: "You'll what?"

Blitzø: "Or I'll-Uh-Uh, I'll call HR!"

Verosika: "Meet my new hellhound, Vortex. Unlike you, he actually does his job well. Ta-ta, fuck stain."