The Bodyguard

14

My foot bounced as I looked out the window, the snow falling in heavy waves.

"How do you feel?"

I looked at Deidre and smiled. "Good. I feel good," I said with a small nod of my head.

"That's good to hear. I like that the smile on your face is real," she complimented, "Did your trip end up being everything you had hoped for?"

I nodded. "It was fantastic. I thought my toes were going to fall off, but the night ended...surprisingly perfect," I explained, smiling to myself as I thought about that night. Deidre made a note in her book and then closed it, crossing her legs as she got comfortable.

"Feel like elaborating?"

I looked up at her and smiled again. I pulled my foot up and rested my cheek on my knee.

"I always thought intimacy was just sex," I said and Deidre nodded.

"And you learned that it's not."

I nodded again. "It's being safe in your own skin. When Dimitri saw those pictures, I was terrified. But all we did was share a bath and I feel like he has seen more of me than any other person. I was nervous at first, but not a bad nervous, like the new and exciting nervous. And he didn't have to say it, but he made me feel beautiful. In a way that nobody has ever made me feel."

Deidre nodded to herself, a small smile on her face.

"You felt safe with him," she mused. I nodded.

"I told him I loved him. Well, he told me first, but I told him," I said as I looked at her, "And I know that he meant it. I can feel it in the way he kisses me, and how he strokes my cheek. Or will throw me under the bus without hesitation to my parents when I'm being a pain in the ass."

Deidre laughed at my statement but nodded. "Love isn't always about the honeymoon phase and the excitement. It's the security, it's the calmness. I can tell by looking at you, and how you're speaking that this is not some fling, it's true emotion. And it's a nice reprieve from how you've been. It's growth. You should be proud of yourself."

I nodded and put my foot down.

"I keep waiting for something to happen with Mason," I said after a moment, the darkness of the topic dampening the mood of the room.

"It's normal for you to feel this way. You have had a traumatic experience and it is a normal response. You are not the first person I've had in this room who has been stalked, harassed, or attacked. This feeling, the waiting, it's your flight or fight response. While I don't want you to ignore that instinct, listen to it. It's screaming at you to be ready to fight. It will take time, but soon, you won't have that thought constantly in your head," she explained and I nodded, running my hands through my hair.

"Dimitri said something similar," I said with a chuckle.

"I'm sure Dimitri has some tricks up his sleeve for keeping you calm, considering his undergraduate."

I tilted my head. "Did I tell you that?"

She shook her head. "I was one of his professors. He's very smart and a quick study."

I smirked. "He is a very quick study. He helped me study for my exams."

Deidre nodded and chuckled quietly. "How are things going on with your studies? This is your last semester, correct?"

I nodded and told her about my classes, even though they had only been up and running for a week. As I talked about class I started to bite my lip, my thoughts moving to something else. Deidre watched me carefully before she spoke.