Freakshow

Chapter Twenty Two

The Cirque was scheduled to spend two weeks in Portland, during which I was supposed to practice with Orion a total of eleven times, perform with him on stage a total of six times, and spend as much time as possible meeting with Cairo.

I hung onto the promise of those visits and found the moments in between them moved with agonizing apathy. Time itself was indifferent to the ache of my heart, and no matter how I railed against it when I was gone from Cairo's side, nothing changed.

Being away from him didn't give me time to pick apart his confession, that he was a wolf. It was strange that it didn't alarm me more, that I didn't spend every waking moment trying to figure out who was a shifter and what kind of animal they became.

His love dulled all other things in my life, no matter how they would alter my world view or self perception.

It was Cai who kept my mind occupied, my obsession alone took up residence inside my body.

Paris kept me satiated by bringing me little notes of love and instructions from Cai. I cherished each one and would tuck them in a little leather bound journal I'd been given years before and had never used for anything. Now I would put those notes inside and tie it shut, slide them under my mattress and find some comfort sleeping on his words of love.

"Pay attention," Orion's voice pierced through my daydream. I'd half-forgotten I was practicing with Orion just then. "You are going to get seriously injured if you don't follow the direction of my knives."

"I know," I replied, trying not to scream at him or demand he let me see Cai right then and there. "I'll do better."

He grunted and set me spinning again and began to throw his knives. We were practicing as usual, nothing was out of the ordinary, but I had heard a rumour that he was going to take the Cirque back to Quebec earlier than originally planned. My chest tightened at that thought and what it meant. Would they be planning Cairo's wedding in Quebec?

I was afraid of what would happen if we made it back to Canada before I had figured everything out. It would take a week or so of driving to get back there, so I definitely had a little time, but I couldn't shake the newfound sense of urgency.

Once they made it back to Canada, Orion was going to fire me, I was sure of it. Get rid of me and force Cairo to marry Mila so Orion didn't owe the wrong people too much money.

I concentrated on the knife he let fly and dodged it expertly. Part of our act now involved several near misses before the final blow. We were working on me appearing to jerk out of the way at the last moment while becoming more and more distressed. This way the audience would believe Orion was either aiming for me, or losing control, both scenarios creating additional drama for the performance.

"Better," he said, "a little more believable. You know Liv, you have a remarkable ability for deception."

He let loose another knife without warning. I flinched out of the way at the last second. I wondered if he had intended it to hit me, but what was the point? We were part of an act together and he knew I'd feel nothing.

Then again, I might not be able to feel pain, but I could still feel fear.

"It's all part of the performance," I replied, spinning on the wheel. I wished he'd stop so I could get a better look at his face, understand where he was going with his rambling.

"You are most excellent at it though," he said and threw another knife. This one didn't come near me, so I relaxed a little. "Have you ever considered something that would earn you a little more money?"

"More than this?" I asked. "Speaking of which, I meant to tell you that I haven't gotten paid yet."

"You'll have to lodge a formal request to HR," Orion said and threw a knife, missing me again. "I have nothing to do with that. But I could help you earn ten times as much for even less work though. And it would keep your mind off my son."