Freakshow

Chapter One

"Did you get that report printed and collated?" Ann asked in a very stern voice, letting me know that this was Very Important.

It wasn't, I knew it wasn't, Ann knew it wasn't, but Ann suffered from the inability to put things into perspective.

And in the grand scheme of things, in the life of the Richmond Paper Company, Ann's shitty little project simply meant fuck all. It was a time waster, a fuck the dog kinda thing.

But I liked getting paid, and I liked the relative comfort of being a general office assistant, so I said, "Oh yes Ann, seven copies, exactly like you asked. I knew how much this presentation meant to you. They were on your desk."

Ann paused as if evaluating whether or not I was mocking her, decided I wasn't, flashed a little smile and said, "Thank you, I didn't know what we would do without you around here. The last girl was terrible."

"You're very welcome, Ann," I replied and turned back to my computer.

I had nothing to do, I was fucking my own dog in my corner desk with the bank of shelves containing boxes of envelopes and paper lining the wall.

I logged onto Facebook and played Farmville for half an hour while chatting with my oldest friend, Rebecca, about whether or not a mole on Bec's inner thigh could be cancerous.

When Becs sent me a pic of said mole, I decided it was time to log off and pretend to get some actual work done.

I remembered the disgusting state of the break room fridge and thought perhaps scraping moldy spinach dip off the shelf in there was better than looking at my best friend's expanse of pale skin with dotted freckles near her bush of red pubic hair.

I shook my head and wished for a bottle of brain bleach, anything to exorcise that particular demon.

I walked through the hall, past the cubicles of the sales reps, past the front desk reception with the beautiful but bitchy Asian girls running interference with visitors to our shitty little company.

I got on my knees and scrubbed for a good twenty minutes, filled the garbage can with rotten food, and generally impressed myself with the elbow grease I had put into it.

My parents would have been proud, I was showing off the work ethic of good, honest farm folk and all.

I tossed the rag and did the washing up, being extra careful with the knives. I hated getting cut, especially in hot water, I never noticed, and the blood rushed so quickly to the surface when my capillaries were expanded in the heat.

Afterwards, I checked my hands carefully for cuts, I had felt a slight tug with my hands deep in the water, but saw nothing.

I paused to mention Ann's meeting to Grace, one of the lithe Chinese beauties at the front desk, and was distracted by the cheques payroll had sent up.

I had completely forgotten it was pay day. It was nice to finally be far enough caught up that I wasn't living paycheque to paycheque. I even had a couple of hundred in the bank at the moment.

"I'll take these back," I said to Grace and waved the cheques around. Both girls were staring at me with a mixture of horror and disgust on their smooth, perfect faces. I didn't know what was up, so I started to back away.

"Are you okay?" Grace asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"What's going on back here?" Ann said as she poked her head around the corner. "Did we get paid yet?"

"We did," I said, not taking my eyes off the horrified girls. I didn't know what had spooked them, but I wanted to get back to my office so I could give myself a once-over and find out what was wrong.