Freakshow

Chapter Seven

I heard my phone buzz and rolled over to check the time. The Cirque was packing up and leaving for Seattle later today, so I resented whoever was waking me up early.

It was a text from Becs.

WTF where are you? Your apartment is empty!!!

I ignored the inquiry and flipped the phone upside down on the nightstand. There was categorically no way I wanted to engage in any kind of conversation with my former best friend.

Meeting new people had opened my eyes a little more and allowed me to see how selfish Becs had been all along. I had been little more than an accessory, somebody to make Becs look bright and shiny while I had hung on in the background.

I wondered if Becs had slept with any other boyfriends. Trevor from Moosejaw for example. I was sure of it now that I could look back. Maybe Dylan, the Irish guy I'd spent last summer with.

God, how could I have been so stupid? Jason and Becs deserved each other.

In a foul mood, I rolled over, punched my pillow to fluff it up and tried to fall back asleep.

I couldn't help myself though, I thought about Cairo and imagined he'd be the kind of guy who would laugh at a girl like Becs. He would be faithful if you could get him to commit.

That was the key though, finding out what it took to have a relationship with him, not just a one night stand or playful fling.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I couldn't handle friends with benefits when it came to Cairo.

Why did he have to be so fucking hot? And why was I getting to be so fucking moody these days? Why did it feel like my body was going through some sort of hormonal change, it couldn't be menopause, could it? Something was happening though, something that was altering the way I thought, maybe even the energies that coursed through my body and my connection to the planet itself.

I gave up trying to tame my racing thoughts and shuffled out to the kitchen. The trailer was empty, but the coffee was still hot so I poured myself a cup and contemplated searching for Cairo. As if gambling with my heart, holding myself to the flame long enough to see if I could feel anything, to see if I would flinch.

It was ridiculous, setting myself up for heartbreak like that, but then again I'd always had that dangerous streak.

I finished up and headed off to find Carl. I had no idea what we were supposed to do on moving day, and I decided I might as well find out.

* * *

There was an air of excitement surrounding the entire Cirque grounds as everyone prepared to move. I had to admit, there was something romantic about being homeless, having no fixed address. It felt very Great Depression era to me, traveling through the dust bowl looking for work.

Although of course, my travels came with a steady paycheque and a comfortable roof over my head. So it was convenience and a sense of freedom. Why hadn't I thought of this sooner?

I found Carl in the midst of chaos where he reigned supreme. I almost didn't recognize him out of costume, instead of looking like a half crazed clown he looked like a half crazed businessman.

"Oh this?" he said when he caught my look of surprise, "they don't take kindly to full face make up at the border. Rather than get stopped and held for hours while they go through every nook and cranny of every truck and trailer, we all dress respectably and make sure we appear as normal as possible."

"I'm impressed though," I said, "you clean up really nice."

"Thanks, new girl," Carl gushed and preened. "You don't look half bad yourself."