Freakshow

Chapter Fourteen

After my failed rehearsal with Orion, I'd gone back to my trailer to join Rose and some friends in a search for Cara.

We'd turned up nothing.

That afternoon Cairo had been forced to go back to Canada to clear up some paperwork at the border. Apparently the Cirque was having some difficulties with a pair of conjoined twins who were going to be joining the show. They needed their passports sorted out.

I already missed him and spent a restless night worrying about Cara and fantasizing about Cai's pierced cock. I felt guilty for wanting him so badly when my friend was missing, but couldn't help myself. The thought of fucking him consumed me, so much that even when I tried to bring myself to orgasm later that night, I was unable to.

I wanted only him. My body wanted his, and wouldn't respond without his touch.

I ended up punching my pillow out of frustration and reaching for my phone to text him that I missed him and was thinking of him. Fuck the rules, fuck playing hard to get, fuck my fears and insecurities, I wanted him. Full stop.

It was past three in the morning and I noticed a text from him sent just twenty seven minutes earlier, when I'd been trying so desperately to get myself off.

Missing you, can't wait to get back. xoxo

I fell back on my bed and held the phone to my chest, a wide grin on my face.

Before this, Jason had been my most intense relationship, and looking back on it I wanted to laugh. I'd never realized how meaningless our supposed love had been, no wonder I'd never been able to come, and no wonder he'd gone sniffing after Becs. I almost felt like texting them back to wish them well together.

Maybe not, I wasn't feeling that generous.

I texted Cai back.

Me too,

That's all I wrote, but I felt like he would know what I meant.

I fell back asleep finally able to find some peace before another day with Orion.

* * *

I was, it turned out, a natural on the wheel and an expert at bleeding dramatically. The second day of rehearsal with Orion went much better than the first, in spite of my inability to sleep until I knew I was on Cai's mind as much as he was on mine.

Orion barely spoke when I'd arrived, ten minutes early this time. He'd strapped me in and thrown several knives in quick succession, explaining that the night of the live show he would take more time in between. It was all about the performance, all about the drama and slow build up.

He paused and watched me spinning around, I could find his face in the midst of the blur and motion and used it to center myself. He said, "This one is going to make contact, I need you to react. You have to scream, carry on like you've been mortally wounded. We want the crowd to think they've witnessed a disaster. Can you do that?"

"Yes," I'd said and kept very still as he drew back his hand with at least a twenty inch blade and let it go.

It hit me with a solid thud, deep into the flesh of my upper right arm. I felt nothing but the odd sensation of being pinned to the board behind me. It had gone straight through me, missing the bone.

I screamed and cried out, writhed on the board without moving my arm in order to keep it from tearing. I whimpered as Orion approached.

His eyes shone with bright approval and a fiery excitement. I felt a small flutter of joy in my chest at his positive reaction. I felt like a little lapdog, begging for its owner's attention.