All We Will Never Know

Chapter 10 - Cordelia

Cordelia reclined her seat back and put her feet up on the dash of Alexis's car. She had been sitting there for almost twenty minutes, her foot tapping wildly, her mind racing. She was nervous for Alexis, but she was also nervous for herself. It was an odd feeling. Cordelia was tough, she prided herself on that fact, but in this situation, she felt vulnerable. For the past few years, she had been sitting on the sidelines watching her friends go on dates and get boyfriends and go through breakups. Though she had never had the urge to date any of the selfish, too-good-for-you guys in her grade anyway, she was also not the type of girl that attracted the opposite sex very easily. Her friends tried telling her she should be flattered by the rejection. She was just too confident, too independent, too intimidating for immature high school boys. But oftentimes, even though she would never openly admit it to them, Cordelia just felt she wasn't good enough.

She wasn't a supermodel in the making like Alexis, she didn't have beautiful copper hair and a heart of gold like Peyton, she wasn't soft-spoken and effortlessly photogenic like Mia, and she damn sure wasn't anything like Kassidy Edwards. Cordelia was unique, that was true. But in the reality of high school, especially a privately owned institution in one of the wealthiest suburbs on the East Coast, she was a pariah. If it wasn't for her flawless friends, she would be nothing. A nobody. Her hard outer shell was the only thing that kept her from breaking inside.

Cordelia sighed, pulling her iPad out of her backpack. At least while she waited, she could write. She opened WordPress, logged in, and let her mind drift elsewhere.

The fifteen thousand followers on Cordelia's blog, surprisingly enough, knew more about her personal life than her own friends. While she went by the pseudonym JesterPrynne rather than her birth name, the rest of what she put on her blog was straight from the deepest part of her soul. There were events mentioned in her blog that nearly destroyed her, catastrophic experiences that both shaped and changed who she was. She loved her friends, she really did. But she had yet to break through and tell them some of her darkest secrets. Which was why, when given the opportunity, Cordelia released her stress and anxiety by writing it down.

She titled today's entry: CAUGHT RED-FACED & RED-HANDED

Cordelia's friends had just discovered her long-time crush on Lucas Tate, but her followers had known since it began. Of course, she never used anyone's real name in the blog. If she wanted to keep it anonymous, she had to be smart. She was confident that she had been so far. Lucas's name in the blog was simply a pronoun, italicized to heighten his significance in her rambling mind: him.

CAUGHT RED-FACED & RED-HANDED

It is true, my dear friends. I have been caught red-faced & red-handed in perhaps the most unimaginably embarrassing situation I have found myself in thus far. A little dramatic, you think? You're probably right. But as you all know, my love life is zilch. I have yet to find someone who I am able to open up to, someone who I will allow to see me as I truly am, scars and all... but now that the cat is finally out of the bag, maybe that someone can be him.

Who am I kidding, I will never let him close enough.

If any of you are confused or still have yet to catch onto my daily mentions of my Prince Charming, I'll fill you in on what happened:

He found out.

Okay, I'm not 100% sure that he is aware that I have the biggest, cheesiest school-girl crush on him. But he was literally standing right there when my so-called friends began harassing and belittling me for blushing as he spoke.

Oh, and he didn't just speak, dear readers.

He. Spoke. To. Me.

I guess tonight will prove if he actually noticed me, or if I am just wishing he did.