As I groan turning on my computer, going onto a zoom call that was in an e mail Paul sent to all the cast members.
As I see everybody on, I wave at everyone, as Paul calls on people to say there lines they have to reapply in some scenes.
As we continue I don't see Jamie and I skip the cast to find Jamie but I couldn't.
As I hear a beat to notify that some one had joined.
As I see Jamie pop up, "hey sorry I had some difficulty's," he said waving his hand.
I can see Jamie smile as he sees something but I ignore it as I read my lines trying to focus.
I don't want the cast to know I'm dating Jamie as it could ruin our career and it's an HR violation to date your co worker or something. And I want to wait until it's been a month or something or at the premiere I don't wanna deal with any one congratulating me and Jamie.
As I finish my line as I get a buzz from my phone, I see it's from Jamie.
British boy🙈
British boy🙈
You look so beautiful💓
Me
Thanks🤭
As I look back up at the screen seeing Paul calling for Jamie, but he was smiling at something he was not showing in the video.
I get a buzz as he looks back up and reads his line, excusing himself.
British boy🙈
Jamie🙈
I wish I could kiss you, and lay with you💖💖 I'm so happy to be with you😋
Me
Jamie focus, you can get in trouble.
Jamie
Don't worry
I roll my eyes and continue on with the scene, my phone keeps buzzing, and I'm getting sick of it.
I open it and type something I shouldn't have typed.
British boy🙈
Me
Jamie stop texting me, we have work, you need to be serious.
I silenced my phone and carried on with the conversation.
As the zoom call ended I left and laid down groaning from the exhaustion.
I check my phone and see Jamie calling me, I groan and answer it, "hello?" I say tired, "are you mad?" He asked, "no, I'm just tired," I said rolling on my stomach, "look if I'm bugging you to much I can give you space?" He said.
"No no I'm not annoyed of you it's just," I sigh heavily, "It's just my first big movie, I don't wanna seem to unreliable, you have a pretty good acting career, you've been in good movies I wanna look officiant. I can't go fool around work," I said.
"Look Paul won't care, the filming is over, we can fool around we're good, we can use us dating as an excuse." He said back
"I don't see why we have to tell everybody?" I said getting more tired, "why?" He asked, "because I don't want the attention on us, I don't want paparazzi to take pictures of us I just wanna be secretive," I said, "so you don't people know I'm dating you, is something wrong with that?" He asked.
"What no!" I shouted, "it sounds like it, look if you don't wanna be with me that's fine," he said.
"Jamie I never said that! Can stop being so childish ok we're adults not teenagers, I don't mind fooling around but around work? It's not professional!" I shouted getting anxiety.
"Would you really be ok if I wanted to break up?" I asked with my voice breaking, "well no of course not," he said, "really?" I asked.
"Well I don't know, my feelings are all over the place," he said, "Jamie! Do you wanna be with me or not," I said interrupting him, "yes of course!" He said.
"Jamie I don't think this is working out, I said softly tears leaving my eyes, "what why!" He asked, "we're to complicated, and I have something guilty I did at the bar," I said.
"Wait what?" He asked, "I kissed a girl, and she gave me her number," I said crying.
"Well you only kissed her right? It's not like you were actually gonna call her?" He asked, "I'm sorry," I said hanging up.
I continued crying and sobbing and cuddling with my pillow as I get texts from Jamie.
I continue to cry my way to sleep. Wishing for a better tomorrow as I fall asleep.
