Where We Meet

2: If Shame Had A Name

'You can never find the same person twice. Not even in the same person.'

-Mahmoud Darwish

*

The voice and it's memories echoed in my ears as I turned to ascertain whether it was real or just my imagination. It couldn't be my imagination, though. I remembered the last time I hear his voice and immediately knew it was him.

***Flashback***

'Hello?' I said.

'Hey.' he said. His voice was happy, calm and sweet. Like velvet and honey.

'How are you?' I said.

'I'm good, what about you?'

That was all it took. My heart sank into my chest and it felt like it was hard to breathe. I couldn't focus on what he was saying. All I could think was, 'It's him. Again.'

'Hey, can you hear me?' he said. I didn't reply to whatever he said, so he thought the signal was bad. The app I was using allowed me to talk to random strangers online.

Only I had already talked to this particular stranger before.

'Um...yeah. I just...I think I know who you are. I think...we've talked before.' I said.

He paused. I could feel the tension, because I knew he knew who I was.

'Hmm. I think so, too. Are you...from Turkey?' he asked.

I let out a shaky breath.

'Yes.'

Another pause.

'I know who you are.' he said, after a long pause.

The tension released a bit. I was glad he didn't hang up or completely deny my existence, considering the conditions in which we stopped talking last time. I had blocked him, deleted my account and then made a new account, never thinking I would encounter him again.

I should've known better.

'I...do you wanna talk to me?' he asked. 'I mean, I would totally understand if you want to hang up. I deserve it.' he said.

Maybe I should've hung up. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Because, as much as I loathed him for what he did to me, I couldn't deny the joy I felt, hearing his voice again, never thinking I would be able to, again.

'I don't know. But you better have a damn good explanation, if you want me to humor you and stay on the line.' I said. My voice was stiff, like cardboard.

He exhaled a huge breath, and then started.

'I know I was wrong. I should have told you. But I just wanted to enjoy what we had, because Kader,'-the sound of my name on his lips sent shivers down my spine-'I have never felt this way before. For anyone. The connection, the chemistry. I...just didn't want to lose it. I knew that...if I told you, you wouldn't want to talk to me anymore. And I was right. I don't hold it against you, though. You had every right to be mad at me. All I can really say at this point is...I'm sorry.'

I sighed. For a while, I didn't know what to say. All I knew was that I felt hurt. Even though we had only been talking for a day or two, I had begun to trust him and he broke that trust in the worst way. It was hard to find my voice again, but I did.

'Fine.' I finally managed to say. 'It's okay. But you have to promise me that it's over now, and that you won't do anything like this to me again.'