Where We Meet

3: Panic

'I want to create a life with you, so that when we are both dissolving into the Earth, there is a part of you that remains to show the world the beauty I saw in you.'

*

Aaron leads me into the house, me leaning heavily on him. I'm not sick, but the heaviness of this new revelation is weighing on me. It's making my legs weak. My head keeps going back to those days, my bedroom, moans-both his and mine, his command, my submission. I try to block them out, but they keep coming back and the guilt has now enveloped my entire being. Aaron doesn't say anything, but I can tell he senses something is off. 

He takes me to the bedroom, and sits me down. Gently, he takes off my heels, and grabs my legs by the ankle and puts them on the bed. I lie on my back silently, and close my eyes, trying to breathe. For a long time, Aaron doesn't say anything. Something in my mind sets off an alarm that perhaps mine and Jay's chemistry was more obvious than I thought. 

My eyes fly open, and I see Aaron sitting by the end of the bed, near my feet, not quite as close to me as he usually is. This unsettles me. 

'Aaron?' I say. 

He starts at the sound of my voice and looks at me.  He looks like I just pulled him out of a deep thought. 

'Yes, love?' he says.

'What's wrong?' I ask. 

He gently rubs my leg with his hand. 

'Nothing at all. How are you feeling?' he asks. 

His expression is still lost. He looks worried and...wary? Hmm.

'What are you thinking?' I ask, hoping it is not what I think it is.

He looks at me like that was the last thing he wanted me to ask him.

'I...,' he clears his throat, and takes a deep breath.

'What?' I ask. The suspense is making me more and more nauseous. 

'There was something on my mind, and...not that it's a bad thing, but...'

'Aaron, please spit it out. You know how I hate it when you drag things out like that.' 

He takes a deep breath, and tenses so hard it looks like he's bracing himself. 

'I think you might be pregnant.' 

My mind goes blank. I cannot comprehend anything and it feels like my brain just short-circuited. I stare at him for a whole minute before the realization that this is not about Jay makes me so giddy I burst out laughing. 

The tension breaks and Aaron looks relieved at my hysterical laugh. 

'What?' I manage to ask, before bursting into another fit of giggles. 

Aaron smiles and scoots closer to me, so he can hold my hand. His expression is tender and calm now, and it breaks me out of my hysteria before the new panic starts to set in. My smile fades.

'Why would you say that?' I ask, realizing that he sounds quite sure of his statement.

Aaron rubs the back of his gorgeous, blonde head, like he always does when he is uncomfortable. 

'Well, I didn't tell you this, because I didn't think it was something to worry about, but um...our condom broke a few weeks ago. I didn't think much of it, since you're on the pill, but this morning sickness, and you've been really horny for the past week as well...' he trails off and I listen, dumbfounded.

I know for a fact that this morning sickness is not because of a pregnancy symptom. I try to play it off.

'Aaron, sweetie, I don't think this is that.' I say.