𝐒𝐔𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐀𝐋 ✩ 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐱 𝐠𝐧! 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

III. i'm sorry

🌂 Your mother has found out about what you intended on doing. Supplications and being understood, along with relationships potentially coming to an end are the cause of your doings.

Warning: suicidal thoughts.

" Why didn't you tell me?! We could talk about this you know that? I'm your mother, aren't I? Do...don't you trust me? "

There was no lying that you've done many things that have ruined your life. But this, maybe you fucked up one big time.

It felt like being hit by a truck when upon hearing the crack of her voice. Her crying, shattered your heart to the fullest. Words have died inside your throat. You couldn't find any thing - any words to tell her. As if a knife had stabbed your neck, and having the ability to talk was hurled. Rubbing your hand on her back in a soothing manner was the only thing you could do as a form of comfort and it was pathetic. You knew it was, to that you couldn't bring yourself to comfort your own mother at this moment.

You didn't expect for this to happen though. Afterall, you were supposed to never come back at this house. You didn't hate it by any means it was just - you weren't really supposed to. Maybe if you didn't hesitate on jumping that height of the building then you wouldn't found yourself in this place. Your chest was so heavy it felt like your insides were eating you whole and it was still worsening each time a choked sob escaped from your mother's lips.

You didn't consider her feelings on what would happen if you died and she was left alone. You knew after your father have left the two of you, things have been hard for her. Having to raise a child whilst trying to keep her life intact.

But maybe if you did disappear in this world, she wouldn't have to undergo such problems in her life. But everything was so painful in your own life. Putting the weight to yourself by the death of your late bestfriend, you blame yourself for your family being broken. Maybe if you were a better child and played better at the instrument you've lost interest to and used your voice better then your father wouldn't have to pick his other family and the three of you would be together instead. You were the reason why the band was broken, maybe if you weren't being inconsiderate on that day and had been perceptive then it wouldn't have gone to his death.

Just why were you realizing all of this at once? It wasn't just your chest that was carrying a large boulder now, your head was aching so bad with all those thoughts.

Why did you have to do it?

Why didn't you let yourself fall?

Why did you hesitate?

You shouldn't have hesitated.

You should've fallen and died right there.

Why did you have to be this - so stupid?

" Mom, " When you managed to let a word escape your lips, it was soft, a vulnerable tone. Your voice was clearly one step from breaking but you tried to keep it, never in your life, you wanted someone to see your state of vulnerability. Even if it was someone you're really close with, you felt like showing your weakness wasn't a resort just for them to feel pity for you. You hated it when someone's takes a pity of you.

But feeling these overwhelming emotions triggering your body made you wanted to cry.

" Mom, I'm so so sorry. "

" There's nothing to be sorry about, [Name]! " She cried.

" You don't need to carry the burden of Akio's death, [Name]. You were never to blame. It was never your fault and you were never the reason of our - "