When We Were Young

Can we try again?

Weeks passed as I paced my room, and days ticked on as I was forced outside to socialize. I had visitors while I was here. By the calendar in the day room, it was October now, I had missed homecoming, I had missed Dalton's biggest game, and I had missed my chance to wear a beautiful dress. I had missed everything because I wasn't mentally stable and because I decided to fight and stand my ground. Today was the day I was finally allowed to leave, my arms had scared over but I still looked like a damn tiger. Pacing the room I called home for the last few weeks I heard the door open. "Ms.Merriweather? You have a visitor and I brought your clothes. Play nice now your guardians will be here soon." I stood in place as the light hit a patch of blonde hair. "Hey, Hey it's okay, I know are past but I wanted to talk." Frozen with fear as the door shut and I was face to face with Abby. "If you're here to hurt me go ahead I'm done fighting." She took a few steps towards me and held out a pair of pants and a sweatshirt. "No, no fighting, I want to apologize before it's too late." I stood confused but took the clothes from her. "Apologize?" I asked confused as I just looked at her. "Get changed and we can talk about everything." I just nodded and walked to my bathroom. "Is this just a joke? I know I'm going to be home-schooled after this incident, no way am I ever leaving the house again. Or am I being sent back to my mom?'

My mind was racing as I slipped on the jeans, I nearly moaned at the feeling of material hugging my skin and then slipped the tight Escape the Fate shirt on my slim torso. I stepped out of the bathroom and Abby was sitting on my bed and looking around the black walls and dead flowers on the bedside table. "Has he visited you lately?" She asked I just shook my head as I looked for the black slide-on shoes I tucked somewhere. "No, he got busy I was told, why has he seen you lately?" The words felt like knives falling from my lips as I grabbed my shoes and put on socks. "No, I was just wondering, he's become destructive though, fights every chance he gets. Aggressive on the field. I"m just worried about him, we all are." I looked at her and my face must've looked confused. "Emma is also in lock up, nearly killed me, and took the blame for your attack. And honestly, I never wanted to hurt you, I just thought, I don't know what I thought honestly. Dalton and I broke up a few weeks before he started working for your family. Emma said y'all started dating right after we split. I guess I was jealous." I sat on the floor in front of her and traced my scars, avoiding eye contact. "No, I can tell you I worked with him for only a few minutes before Emma broke my arm, and then over the course of a week before school. I didn't get to know him till a month before school. I love him dude, and I'm scared I pushed him away. I miss him so much." I felt my walls breaking in front of someone who hurt me the most this year.

"Then chase him, go for it, I can tell you he cares for you, but he has his own trauma. Don't give up, he'll come back when he's ready." I looked up at her weakly smiling at me holding her hand out. "I saw a coffee stand down the hall let's go for a walk." I nodded and took her hand. "Now this does not make up for anything, I don't want to be seen with you if I'm honest but I'm willing to work past everything but never forgetting." My words felt cold leaving my lips and she just nodded. "Okay, that makes sense, sorry." I just nodded and watched her walk away. "Was I the mean one?" I asked myself as I continued towards the small cafe in the main lobby.

"Hey girly what are we getting today? Same as always?" I just nodded at the girl at the counter and swiped my patient identification card. "Awesome I'll see you at the end."

I waited at the end of the bar for my white chocolate and caramel macchiato. "I'm being released today, but I'll still be coming back for therapy every Monday." The girl working the cafe looked up as she handed me the coffee. "That's amazing I'm gonna miss seeing you every day." I thanked her as I took the sugary drink. "I'll miss this amazing coffee." We both laughed and said our goodbyes as I walked back to the day room.

I never thought I'd leave this place but fuck I miss my room and my boyfriend. I just miss everything before I decided to be self-destructive.

As I sat on the uncomfortable chair looking over the small garden outside I got lost in my train of thought. "Hey Alex, are you ready to go? Your grandparents are waiting down the hall." I looked up at one of the nurses and just nodded. Getting up and taking small sips from my coffee I followed her down the hall.

I was expecting an ass chewing or to be ignored as I had been in the past, but this time was different. I was engulfed in a bear hug from my grandfather, his eyes red and lined with tears and him telling me nothing was my fault.

I was confused but accepted the love and compassion, something neglected by my parents. I felt my chest tighten as I began to cry against his chest.

He took me out of the hospital as my grandmother finished the paperwork.

"I know you almost dying wasn't your fault but please talk to us if you want to mutilate yourself again." He pleaded with me as we got in the truck. "I don't plan on it ever again papa, don't worry." I held a small smile from the back seat.

The ride home was quiet, but what did I expect, I just wanted to see Dalton, I wanted to hit and scream because I felt like he abandoned me when I needed him most. But I also know feelings aren't really his thing so I wasn't too mad. I just wanted to feel protected again.