he didnt kiss me. his role kissed my role. it means nothing, right?!
___________
"why are you avoiding me now?!"
he titls his head.
"i am not!"
"was it because i kissed you..."
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
next day:
i can feel a knot to my stomach as i look outside the bus window. seungkwan's words linger in my memory.
everything he says, everything he does. why does everything feel so sagnificant? am i the only one feeling like this?! I must be going nuts over nothing. why am I over analysing everything - I hate kwan, so why do I even care?
what am i supposed to do?
am i overreacting over small things he does as a habit?! i need to stop thinking about him for god's sake.
but even when i say that i am thinking about him more and more.
i cant help it.
for example right now. i wanna rush to school just so i can steal a glimpse of him. i want to see if he is okay. is he in pain? how is he? he got traumatised so of course I should care, right? thats the only reason I care! of course it is! oh my god I can easily snap out of it. who cares anyways?
i run down the bus and enter the bulding.
whats wrong with me? whats wrong with me? i am freaking out. no, I am not. I am. I am not.
sarang, concentrate on the goal and shut up.
i open my locker, in my attempt to remove my mind from him. right, i can do it! i'll just stop thinking about him, easy peasy.
i can do it!
turning around, my eyes lock from the distance with that boy i just convinced myself not to think about ever again and I almost bounce. what is that? a sudden attack? I was not ready for that.
he is standing miles away yet his eyes never decieve mine. i managed to calm my heart only for it to be way too flustered later on. is he doing it on purpose? of course he does.
it feels like time stops every time he is in the room.
the boy seems hesitent but waves at me from afar. thats when i seriously dont know what to do.
this moment had 20 different possible endings inside my head ready to fullfil one of them i take a step closer only to be caught pretty soon.
some of his friends, apprached him, pulling him away from the crowd.
i looked like a fool!
his eyes slowly got removed from me as he was forced into a classroom. perfect, i didn't even got to say anything, or at least wave. I look like a fool to his eyes now.
he must have thought i am an idiot. of course i am cause again i forgot the goal. i am overthinking about this again.
i walk inside the class with a massive pout thinking how much of a disappointment i am to others and myself.
sitting on my table i literally lay over there like a dead corpse. thats when nayeon occupies the seat right in front of me with a smile.
