Fall Apart

Chapter 16

The next day I don't feel like getting changed, so I throw on some different pants and put my hair into a messy bun. If I don't feel like dressing up, I'm not going to. I drag myself out of our room and Evelyn makes me some Oatmeal with berries, chia seeds and coconut to help wake me up. Then we go to class. All throughout it I am just writing song lyrics in my notebook and whenever Lucas would come near me I would put my headphones in and walk away. When I first walked into class with his hoodie on he looked surprised, then after that he would not stop trying to talk to me. After every class I would just run out the door so he couldn't get me to stay behind. I got back to my dorm and threw myself against the door, relieved to finally be away from everything. I'm not exactly sure how long I was sitting there but after a while a knock on my door sounded, I got up and through the peephole I could see Johnny. I opened the door trying my hardest to smile for him, but when I saw how serious he was my face instantly relaxed. 

"Hey, Maya, we have to talk, and I just wanted you to know that this isn't what I would have chosen to do either, but I had no choice and to be honest I actually think you will want to hear about this, no matter how hard it might be" he says, as I close the door behind him.

"What's wrong?" I ask, concerned.

He motions to the couch and we both sit down, this must really be serious if he wants me to sit down.

"Lucas came up to me yesterday, and before you say anything just remember, he is a quarter of a foot taller than me and as strong as a horse so I'm not exactly in a position to disagree with him" Johnny says. 

"Okay... Well... What did he say?" I ask.

"First he wanted to know where you were, so I told him you weren't feeling good, then he told me what "actually happened" that night, and it's up to you whether or not to believe it" he said, then he told me EVERYTHING in the deepest detail he could. 

Like instead of saying, "she talked to him and then kissed him", he said "this girl walked up to him and said all this CRAP about you not being fun and hot, and that you didn't love him and then she practically lunged on him". Honestly, I'm glad he went into this much detail because when he was done talking I had no questions, everything was so plainly laid out. 

"So... What do you think?" he asked.

I paused for a second, because at that moment I didn't actually know what I thought, then it made sense again.

"...It... it all makes sense now... OF COURSE I believe him... but I don't think I'm ready to forgive him yet... I'm still so hurt..." I say. 

He looks at me for a bit and I can't tell what he's thinking. I start to panic a bit, what if he thinks I'm being too emotional, maybe I should forgive him, no I can't do that because I would be lying to myself. Or what if he thinks I'm being gullible, maybe I shouldn't believe him, what if he's lying, no Lucas and Johnny aren't liars. 

"That makes sense, he still did the wrong thing and it was so messed up" he finally says, ending all of my panic.

"Yeah... but it kind of makes me feel better... knowing that he didn't do it on purpose" I say, and it was true.

"Yeah..." he goes quiet for a bit and there is obviously something on his mind, "Maya?"

"Yeah?" I ask, what else could there be?

"There is just one more thing that I wanted to tell you...I just want to say that seeing you smile is one of the most important and special things to me and I want to let you know that in my world you shine brighter than the sun in any lighting. You have a special gift, whenever you walk into a room you instantly brighten it up, and make everyone - especially me - instantly happier" he said, and I could tell that he had been wanting to tell me that for a while, because it seemed as if every word was carefully selected and planned out.

"Aww, thanks Johnny! You're such a great friend, I'm so lucky!" I say, hugging him. 

- Switch Perspective - Johnny - 

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I'm somebody she calls when she's alone. I'm somebody she adopted but will never own. I'm somebody she hugs but never holds. I know I'm not the one she really loves. I guess that's why I've never given up. I could give her all she wants, the stars and the sun, but still I'm not enough. All I really wanted was that look in her eye, the one she used to have when she was with Lucas, the look like she already knew he was the love of her life, like she already knew she was never going to say goodbye, but once they did I thought I had a chance. But I'm not hers and I can't change her mind. It's probably time for me to leave her dorm, but I'm waiting for her to tell me because I can't leave on my own. The only thing that's harder than hanging out alone, is hanging out with her ghost. I should have known my feelings were just dumb love, all the things I've done for her to never notice. I chose her over my old girlfriend, what did I do in the end? Just to not be hers...

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- Switch Perspective - Maya - 

I look out the window and see that it's getting a bit dark, Johnny's dorm is all the way on the other side of campus.

"You should probably go now before it gets too dark" I say, grabbing his jacket that he had put on the other side of the couch.

"Yeah, true, but it was nice hanging out with you" he said, smiling, but I could sense some pain behind the smile.

He nodded slightly before walking out and closing the door behind him. I sat down on the couch and opened my computer to see I had an email from my producers, they had given me more ideas for the song, and a snippet of a piano for chorus inspiration. After listening to the snippet a couple times over I got to writing. 

That's the end of Chapter 16! Chapter 17 will be out tomorrow! Bye lovelies! xxx