Izzy & Noah

Twenty-Seven: Revisiting the Old Room

I walked faster towards the taxi.

It's as if someone is pushing me.

I open the door and get in.

And I cuddle up to Noah.

The driver starts the car.

Noah doesn't say anything, he just hugs me.

That's all I want; I don't need anything else.

Noah.

He doesn't ask, he doesn't find out.

We just drive back to our apartment in silence.

But the silence is not uncomfortable.

It seems to me that Noah and I are two souls destined for each other, we know when to ask for each other, when to just surrender to the silence.

A few days of chaos are beginning to take their toll.

Weariness permeates my body.

Slowly in the waves.

And all the stress.

All that happened with Noah.

Flying home and visiting the cemetery.

Big things.

Where are we with Noah in terms of our relationship?

I do not know.

We're a couple, but we're not.

I think we need time, which unfortunately we don't have, I'm only too aware of that.

My conscience burns.

I snuggle closer to Noah.

I won't be able to do this.

I won't be able to be there for him and see him go at the same time, but I feel it's my duty to look after him, to be with him.

We stop in front of the block.

The memories roll back. All the bad memories, how mum and dad fought, how my ex got on my nerves, how he threatened me, insulted me.

I sigh.

I wish I could find better memories, so it wouldn't all be so dark.

The best memories, the best stories should happen in this flat.

To come home with a smile on my face and warmth in my heart. But...

Some things you can't choose.

We pay and take our bags.

Welcome to my home. I turn to Noah and raise my hands in the air, smiling.

He looks around and smiles at me.

Thank you for accepting me, even though I invited myself.

There was a spark in his eyes.

He laughs.

His smile lights up every day, every dark moment.

It is impossible to be angry with him.

We unlocked the door to my block.

"Come on, let's go upstairs. To unpack." I nudge his sleeve.

We walk side by side.

We walk to the lift.

My hands are a little sweaty.

When the lift doors close.

A kind of chaos, confusion is in my head. I take a deep breath.