Tour de force

Chapter 1 : De capo

The rain is incessant, followed by a wave of zephyr. It pours onto my head. Over time, it hurts. I can't stand it anymore, as it forces me to lay down, just to feel the rain pouring onto my body. There's nobody here, just me in this empty space filled with grass and no trees. It's weirdly calming as time goes by, until my body feels numb and adapted to the pain...

"Now draw what you envisioned in your head onto a paper."

I snapped back to reality. Everyone seems to be glad it's over. Well, myself included. Now I have to draw—oh wait, draw? I never thought I needed to draw things today. I used to sketch a lot back in middle school. It was all just terrible doodles, but that's the only thing that kept me from being bored. I wonder why I can't do it anymore.

"It's fine if you draw a stickman," she said.

Oh. I was glad I could do that. I thought of making a really "artistic" drawing. I could imagine it in my head. Unfortunately, most of the time the ideas just stay as ideas. I could never make them work. So I had to draw a stickman.

"Wow, this is plain," I murmured to myself. So I just filled it with raindrops. One drop after another, until the teacher said the time is up. She then checked all the drawings one by one. We all sit in a one by one desk in a straight line, so it's easy to look at things one at a time. She gives a lot of curious reactions. It's like she's looking at Leonardo da Vinci's drawings. She really empathizes with those drawings. I could tell by the way she looks at my classmates' drawings.

"Oh, so many raindrops," she said while nodding her head. "Yeah," I replied. She then glances at my face a bit longer and leaves. I wonder what exactly is happening. Is it some kind of contest I never realized I participated in?

I was expecting her to teach normally, but today's slightly different. She said she wanted to do some kind of activity out of the blue, and she's still going, looking at those drawings one by one. Looking at her reaction, I can't help but get curious about their drawings.

"Okay, it seems like that's everything," she says. "Do you know the purpose of this activity?" She added. The class became unusually quiet.

"It's actually testing our creativity?" someone said.

"Well not quite, but you've got a point. It's actually a quick psychological test," she stated.

Ah, psychology, I see. It's like those things in the books. I still don't get the purpose of this activity.

"The amount of raindrops is the amount of stress or problems that you're facing." As soon as she said that, I revised my drawing and noticed the number of raindrops I drew is immeasurable. I could feel my heart getting some sort of electric shock. "Look at your drawings, does it have an umbrella?" she said. The class starts to be confused.

"Well, I said draw yourself in the rain, but I never said you couldn't bring anything with you."

"It's all about the mindset." Oh, how naive I am. Seems like others also have the same reaction as me.

"So, who drew that? Raise your hands," she said. Some people raised their hands. It's mostly boys.

"Congrats, this means you know how to control your stress," she says as I gaze at their faces. The people who raised their hands actually define this criteria perfectly. Although one of them is bad-tempered, but... actually was it just his way of relieving stress?

"Does anyone of you draw yourself crying in the rain?" She said gently. I'm actually interested in who this is. So I just look around waiting for someone to admit. The class feels tense. It's an unusually quiet moment that gets on my nerves. It just keeps my curiosity boiling.

"It's fine, there's nothing much to worry about," she said in a gentle tone.

I watched as someone raises her hand slowly. "Ok, put your hand down. Well, this means that you are someone who is hiding your emotions."

"You are crying in the rain when no one could see your tears as they merge along with the rain." I felt confused, along with a feeling of curiosity. The one who's raising her hand is actually someone who's cheerful and bubbly. I refuse to believe it.

The teacher then says more things about trees. If you have them drawn but don't take cover from them, it means you're vulnerable and want family protection. While on the other hand, if you did take cover, you're being loved and protected by your family.

I just stare at my drawing. All it has is me and raindrops. Nothing else. It leaves me thinking until I couldn't focus more on what she said. All I hear is clouds and sun. But the details about it just simply don't catch my interest, as I can't stop thinking about my drawing. So all I drew is nothing but just portrayed my sorrows.

"Alright class, that's it. Oh, but we still have plenty of time left. So what about we do another activity?" She says. The whole class then starts to move on from that drawing. Like the things we talked about never happened in the first place. The teacher told us to cut the paper to form a ring that we can pass through. But I resist and use another paper instead. Because this simple drawing is somewhat precious to me now. This drawing conveys my life right now perfectly. It's the one that made me realize just what person I am.

My life was nothing but a sensational lie.

I can't take things lightly from now on. I swear to myself that I want to change!