When I made you smile

Still Breathing

Inhale count for five. Exhale count for five. Immersed in the darkness behind my eyelids I can pretend that my life doesn't exist. Inhale. Exhale. Ignore the whine that's beginning to build up in the jet engines beside my head on the other side of the wall. Breathe. Just breathe.

If I could change one thing about this past year? Allowing myself to be dragged around top surgeons searching for a cure to a career ending injury. Everyone said I had to have a plan. Everyone. Did I create one? No. Did I think my life would be over so soon? No. Why did I think this wouldn't happen to me? Major injuries happened. We accepted it. We danced on, pushed through, healed quickly and got back to work. Career ending falls though were the stuff of everyone's worst nightmares. My worst nightmare made reality.

Everyone else seemed to know what else they would want from life after Ballet. For me, I couldn't seem to find an 'after' and I was already firmly entrenched in it. Dancing wasn't something I just did. Dancing was who I was. If I couldn't dance-than who was I? Already tired of what life had to offer, I wore a headset pretending to tune out the world when keeping the music turned off was the only way my brain could cope with the reality being thrust upon me. How could I separate myself from the very air I breathed? Excise the sheer need to dance from my soul? If I couldn't hear music without dancing how was I to survive in a world full of sound when I could no longer express my innermost thoughts?

Opening my eyes meant facing the fact that I was on a plane circling an island about to take the first step into that 'after'. A gentle shake to my shoulder reminds me that I don't have an option of ignoring the world forever. Blinking open my eyes in the muted light of the aircraft cabin and slip the headset off my head. Bracing for the impact of the tyres on the tarmac, I'm grateful for the privacy of being the only passenger in the plane. I was fine in the air but I hated touching down to earth.

Slinging my carry on across my body my eyes meet those of the airline attendant handing me my crutches. The sharp salty tang of sea air tickles at my nostrils as I pause at the top of the stairs. Allowing my eyes to adjust to the bright daylight I note that there really isn't much to this island. Private school in the distance. Town down near the harbor. Private limo waiting at the gate with the school's crest emblazoned on the door. Turning left, I take the easy way down on the 'elevator' and collect my one bag that appears like magic at my feet. Another cross body bag, easy to throw over my head and slide around my body. Everything else had been overnight shipped ahead of my arrival. Pausing long enough to get the feeling of land underneath my body again I make my way slowly over to where the car is waiting. 'When they said I was here to greet someone they didn't mention how pretty she would be.' 'Spasibo.' I mutter politely before looking up into a male face artfully arranged in a mask of teenage boredom. The crest of the school logo peeks up at me from his jacket. Arching an eyebrow at him as he holds my hand slightly longer than is polite. Yanking his hand out of my gentle grip he stalks his way into the car waiting a few metres away. 'First day in the land of the pompous and pretentious?' the driver's sympathy shows. 'First day in this school. Pompous and pretentious I can handle just fine.' I reply as he assists me into the car before taking my crutches to be stowed in the front seat. I have a feeling that I should be a little offended at his comment but I let it slide. I had all summer to re acclimate to the lifestyle I had been born into around the doctors appointments.

He's sliding his gaze all over me as if he owns me already. Seriously? Did they send the biggest jerk on the planet to meet me and explain how things work? 'Take a picture it will last longer.' the words slip out before my filter kicks in. I don't need people to be cosy with me but I don't want to live life in no man's land straight away either. 'This isn't Hogwarts and it certainly isn't Le Rosey or even TASIS.' his words drip over me like smooth warm honey. The boy was a player for sure. Giving him my full attention, flashing a small smile hopefully slightly encouraging in expression to continue. Thankfully he catches on real quick. 'Apparently you're someone special enough to rate a personal welcome. Tyler Saint at your service.' His eyes linger on the crutches profile through the divider. Sarcasm seems to be his first language something I specialised in myself, 'Ciara Grey, pleasure.' 'I'm supposed to give you the standard welcome to the school spiel including all the whatnot. You read the handbook right?' His dark blue eyes snap up to meet mine revealing little as he keeps his emotions in check, 'Yeah you're another good girl. Read the hand book and left all the contraband at home. Let me guess you didn't even have to lift a finger to pack your bags. Mummy got the maids to do it for you.'

Shifting his weight he leans forward slightly. Everything about Tyler Saint is controlled even his play boy facade. 'Nice of you to judge me before you know me.' Pretending his words don't affect me I get comfortable. If I had any contraband I wouldn't be owning up to it would I? He flashed his perfect teeth, dark eyes dancing merrily broke his smouldering bad boy persona for a split second, 'word is going around that you're either starting late for personal reasons or you've got connections the rest of us could only dream about. Either way people are going to be nosy.'

Scenery rushes past the window too fast for me to take in my new surroundings. Keeping secrets was never a good way to start anything new. Inhale count to three. Exhale count to three silently before answering, 'Either you don't have access to the outside world which is seriously concerning, or you're thin on the ground for gossip about the new girl. Google can tell you most of my bio. However, I'll save you the trouble of a five-minute hook up with your mobile phone. Ciara Grey, as in Dove House of Fashion.'

'You've got a sense of humour.' The edges of his mouth tip up into a slight smirk as the car enters through a set of imposing stone and wrought iron gates. A long drive way stretches on ahead of us. 'Any advice about survival here?' I ask the real question that had been burning on the tip of my tongue. 'Don't get on Bella's bad side.' Tapping two fingers against the glass divider he adds, 'I'll see you at dinner.' Throwing open his door I catch a glimpse of a football field and a group of boys straggling along the main path in ones and twos. Some had helmets dangling from their fingertips as they craned to catch a glimpse of who was in the car. Ty caught the bag tossed at his head effortlessly before the door swung shut I watched them close ranks around him asking questions.