Tranquility

Prologue

Leyla was an outgoing and happy person.
People would only ever be able to see her smiling. On the occasions she wasn't, it would probably have to do something with fleeting problems everyone seemed to experience.

While everyone only ever saw these specific traits about her, it was actually only an exterior she allowed people to see.
She knew.
She always knew this was really not how she was feeling.
It was draining and a lot of times she would ask herself why she would act the way she did.
She didn't want to be the way she was.
She would try.
She would try stopping her obnoxcious act.
She would try being genuine.
She would try being her calm inner way.
She would try showing that she was not always happy.
She would.
She really would.
But everytime she did try, she would return home, the smile would drop and she would think to herself: "Why can't I just express my feelings?"
"Why am I never able to stay the way I want to be?"

To the people who think intoverts are only the people who can not express their feeling infront of other people- mostly strangers- in the form of being quiet,
Leyla will prove you wrong.

This book will try to open your eyes.
To see how complicated people's feelings can really be.
It will try to show you, that even when you are a hundred percent sure that people are genuine and purely the way you see them,
they really can be an absolutely lonely person in the inside.
They could be someone that cannot express their desires, while continueing to smile and laugh and do everything you do.

The worst part is, most of the times Leyla would forget.
She would forget why she couldn't.
She would forget when she started to be the way she is.
She would forget how little acts and words and nothings- really- formed her into this form.
Into this form she was not supposed to fit in.
But in her unripe and undeveloped mind as a child, she had forced herself to fit into.

She would forget that this was not her.

But when she did remember, once everything was quiet and she was alone- she would remember.

She would have this uncomfortable feeling in her chest.
It would squeeze and burn and take her breath away.
She would be incapable of moving.
It mostly happened when she was relaxing, lying in bed.
She would be unable to move from that position.
Getting up from that position would be impossible.
Her own mind, what was supposed to be her safe place and comfort zone, would render her helpless, paralyzed even.

Acconpanying Leyla as she tells you about her life, her childhood and background will be a privilige.
Because you...
You are a complete stranger.
Leyla is based on a real person.
Still living and breathing.
While noone, no-one, in her life knows about her feelings except for God and herself,
you will be able to read about it in this book.

In this book she writes herself while basking in anonymity and in the knowledge that people do not know.
Not who she is- not even her real name.
Not where she lives, not even the country.
Not even if she is the very person that sits next to you.

She is writing this book to raise awareness.
Everyone you know could be someone who is hurting.

Leyla is writing this book because
Leyla could be you.
Leyla could be you friend, even your family.
Be aware that there are people like Leyla out there.
While they could be living completely different than Leyla, they could be a Leyla.
A person not understood.
A person crying out for help, while simultaneously being the one to choke the cries of help quiet.

Be aware that there are Leylas.

And if you are a Leyla,
I see you.
And I know that you want to be seen, but can't even see yourself.

Leylas out there,
This is for you.

Sincerely,
an unseen Leyla.

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Enjoy.