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THE MOON SHINED THROUGH THE WINDOWS and blew wind into the white curtains, making them dance. The breeze made its way to Rue, making goosebumps pop up on her skin. The coldness woke her from her slumber; and before she could open her eyes, her left hand instinctively reached out for the person that was supposed to be by her side. When she felt that cold, empty space beside her, her eyes snapped open.
That pit of panic built up in her core, wondering if she was out in the middle of the night to get her mind off of things— it wouldn't be a first if she did.
When Ellie would offer to go hunt for Jackson and came back traumatized, Rue took her by her hand and led her to their room with a gentle smile, ready to consult her straight away.
But it didn't sting her in such a way - it felt different.
Her bare feet met the cold wooden floor as she stretched her bones and rubbed her eyes. Her hands closed the single window in the room, slightly shivering. She yawned as she made it out of the bedroom, checking from left to right to see any signs of Ellie.
It didn't take her long to spot her. She knelt with her back turned to her beside the front door in the foyer. She wore a tan leathered coat over her clothes that didn't seem like the pajamas Rue last saw her wearing. Her hands stuffed items into a bag as quietly as she could.
She consciously pressed her shoulder into the wall beside her then she purposely dug her foot into a creaky plank a couple of inches away. Ellie stopped rustling in the bag and slightly jumped - but she didn't crane her neck to look behind her. She knew who it was.
"Pretty cold tonight," Rue half-heartedly chuckled as if she wasn't seeing her companion dressed like she was about to head out in the middle of the night, stuffing guns in her bag as she still had yet to face her.
She didn't want to believe any of her assumptions were true— she wanted to be proven wrong, but when Ellie slowly twisted on the balls of her feet and showed her that guilty face, she almost yelled at the woman.
After Tommy left, not much was said, but Rue wouldn't think Ellie would just leave without talking about it.
"Yeah..." her gravelly voice was quiet.
Rue took a moment to analyze her clothing and the bag next to her feet. "I don't think Maria will let anyone out this time of night since the nightly patrol is already out," she turned to walk away, "Come back to bed."
"She won't know," her voice was still quiet.
Rue stopped. She took another moment to process those three words and she still couldn't comprehend them. Her eyes fluttered as she licked her dry lips. "What?"
Ellie couldn't bring herself to repeat it. She was stuck and frozen in her own shameful shell. No matter how hard or which way she cracked it, there was no way out.
"Ellie..." she turned to face her. She talked to her with a voice that was so gentle, scared she would break in front of her.
"I have to finish it."
Rue shook her head. "No. You don't have to do anything."
"You're right..." she paused, "This is something I need to do."
Rue waited for an explanation with anxiety that only triggered her inner sadness. She wanted to understand, but she couldn't. The silence was making her frustrated.
"I keep... seeing him. That day. His face never leaves my mind. I can't sleep... or eat."
"But-" Rue stammered a little before blurting out the first thing that came to mind. "What about me?"
Ellie's eyes softened at her words. She gulped. "...You'll be okay, Runa."
Rue scoffed. "I'll be okay?! You were gonna leave without telling me and expect me to be okay?" her voice filled the room before she dropped her outstretched hands to her sides, looking at the ground as she took a breath. "Do you even want to be here with me? Am I doing something wrong—?"
"I do! I do want to be here with you," Ellie took a step closer to her. Her eyes were filled with nothing but sympathy. She just wanted to comfort the woman.
"Then prove it," and Rue took a step closer to her, closing the distance between them,
"Stay."
Ellie's eyes shifted. She looked from the ground and into her eyes whilst shaking her head.
"I can't."
Her eyes fluttered again. "So now I'm supposed to wait in Jackson for you to come back? If you were to die I wouldn't even know."
"That's why I don't plan on dying," Ellie sat her hands on her hips, throwing her head back slightly.
"Yeah? Well, neither did Jesse," she paused, "Or Joel."
The mention of his name caught her off guard and flipped a switch in her to exit immediately. She grabbed the hefty bag by its handle and started to walk back towards the front door before halting with Rue's soft hands on her sculpted face.
"Okay, wait, I'm sorry," she inhaled a shaky breath through her nostrils. "Look, you have people here who care about you— including me. Please don't waste this," she whispered in the last sentence.
Rue was pleading with her emotional orbs that bored into Ellie's conflicted ones. She doesn't want to leave her, but she knows that this is what she needs to do, otherwise, she'll never feel at peace in this world. When she tried to peel her hands off of her, she was pulled in again with her forehead touching Rue's, hearing her final plea escape her lips.
Ellie shook her head and let her go while she takes a step back. She turned quiet and just stood there, her hands hanging to her sides. The more she looked at Rue's soul-stirring face the more likely she was to change her mind. She couldn't let that happen. All she wanted was for her to understand why she has to do this.
Rue's eyes stayed on her for as long as she could, swallowing the bubble in her throat that controlled every ounce of emotion. Her jaw was clenched and her lashes fluttered to keep the tears away - the urge only grew more when their eyes disconnected. Ellie twisted around and turned the doorknob to their home and shuffled out of the house.
She clenched her jaw again and painfully inhaled before slowly turning around to walk back to their bedroom. Her foot stepped on the same creaky board, and before she could get past it, that emotional bubble burst within her. Tears flowed out of her eyes as she let out a gut-wrenching cry, driving her fist to the drywall with all her might.
Her chest got tighter and her breathing turned faint. It made her mind feel light and she fell to her knees like she got a rug swept from under her. She didn't know how to describe it— all she knew was that she was in extreme pain, mentally. It was frightening.
