Rabt

16

Qasim

Neither of them went back to the function.
Rukhsar fell asleep but he couldn't.

He took a shower feeling numb.

Guilt weighed on him like a ton of bricks.

It had begun to drizzle .

He went to the gym down stairs and then afterwards decided to stand outside and smoke.

He had quit smoking really long ago.

Infact he had never been a smoker but would occasionally smoke a cigarettes when stressed .

He had quit that aswell when he started dating Saima.

She hated it.

So she would refuse to speak if his breath smelled of cigarettes.

Thinking about his wife made him feel like a piece of shit.

He could not believe he gave in .
He punched the wall pussed at himself.

"Qasim?" He turned around it was Rizwan bhai,

"Jee bhai?" He asked ,

"Tum soye nahi ho?" He asked and then looked at the cigarette,
"I thought you quit?" He asked ,

Qasim shrugged .

"I don' smoke unless i feel restless" he said , and his brother frowned .

Rizwan frowned ,
"Why are you restless?" He asked ,

Qasim sighed shrugging , he didn't know what to say.

Rizwan had always been more like a father than a brother .
They were 18 years apart , and his own father had never been strict , but Rizwan bhai had been , he would worry about the younger ones grades and careers like they were his own children.

But when it came to the emotional stuff , he severely lacked .

"Kuch nahi bhai jaan buss work" he said looking away and his brother sat down next to him,

"Saima ki tabiyat kaisi hai?" He asked

"Pata nahi" he he felt his eyes sting with tears , clearing his throat ,

"Waisay hee hai" he said , a lump in his throat.

"You know we have this is common" he said , and Qasim looked up ,
His brother had remarried after Daniyals mother had passed away.
He had married her sister.

"Its not the same" he said ,

"It's not, my wife passed away without a warning , but I got married again when I wasn't ready either" he said ,

Qasim looked at him in surprise,
"How do you know-"

He shook his head,
"It might surprise you Qasim par meine yeh baal dhoop mein nahi safaid kiya" he said ,

"Pehele I didn't understand your decision to get married , but these past few days I came to the understanding that it wasn't really your decision." He said ,

Qasim didn't respond.

"I feel like Allah has put me in the worst possible situation" he mumbled ,
"Like a test that I was bound to fail in." He gulped ,

Rizwan sat next to him not saying anything waiting for him to continue.

"When I'm with Rukhsar ...I feel like I'm cheating on Saima , that I have become someone I never thought I could be , a man who claims to love his wife while " he cut himself off feeling disgusted with himself .