louis' diary // larry stylinson au

cinq

4th January 2015

Dear Diary,

School sucks. Homework makes me want to die.

It's the first day and we already have tons of homework we have to finish for tomorrow! I'm only halfway through it and it's already 9 pm. What the actual fuck? And teachers complain because students aren't active in class and are always tired! It's their fault. I'm already exhausted but if I come home with bad grades, I'm going to get killed by my father. My mum won't be too happy either but she knows I do the best I can.

I didn't even talk to Harry today, know why? He got himself a lil girlfriend. I couldn't be more sad. Maybe it's not true because it's a rumour and he didn't talk to me about it – well, he didn't talk to me at all – and I really hope he was just feeling ill today and didn't want me to catch something. If he truly has a girlfriend... I don't know if I'll get over it, over him. I don't even want to get over him, because I'm so in love with him it hurts and all I want is to be able so hold him and kiss him and just... Be loved by him. Is that too much to ask? Why can't he just fall in love with me, dammit. I hate him for not loving me back.

And I swear to God, if he has a girlfriend I'll beat the shit out of her. Well, no, I won't, but I'll hate her with all of my heart and soul. I'll hate her with everything I have because she will have the chance to hold his hand, kiss him, touch him, being loved by him. She probably won't even realize how lucky she is and how bad someone else wants to be touched and kissed and loved by her boyfriend.

If a girl is dating him, I hope she knows how lucky she is. I hope she won't ever break his heart or cheat on him, even if it would make it easier for me to get close to him if she did. But I'm not that cruel. I want his happiness to go first, always, because his smile could end wars and cure cancer. His smile always makes my day so much brighter, and his laugh, holy shit his laugh is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. I wish I could hear it all day, everyday. I don't ever want to see my boy sad because he is the most perfect human being on this planet and he is beautiful and happy and he makes me feel so good and happy myself and I'm just in love with him and nothing could ever change that. Not my stupid father, not a potential girlfriend, not even him. I would do everything for him, but the one thing I'll never do is to give up on him.

I have to stop talking about him, because if I continue for too long I'll never stop and my homework is glaring at me.

Keep my secrets safe.

Louis. x

[a/n; i feel you louis.]