In sickness and in health

Two

Fiona

With my arms in my friends i slightly feel more normal which gives me a slight boost of confidence that i can get through the day, we walk through the gate and toward the entrance and nobody points and looks like i feared, nope. nobody seemed to care that i'd been gone and that my father had been violently shot, at that thought pain shoots through my body at the mention of him in my thoughts, my body tenses and Mikey turns to look at me. "Fifi?" I nod and use my hand and wave him off, I don't need the concern.

We push through the doors and a loud wave of noise hits me, it's louder than i remembered.. it's okay fiona, you can do this.

I let out a deep breath "Ok, Does anyone have my timetable?" I question and Blake unlinks his arm from Serena and rushes to me in a heartbeat with a piece of paper in hand, "Of course Honeyboo!!" I thank him with a smile and look at my timetable.

8AM : English
9AM: Health and Social care
10AM: Food safety and technology
11AM-12PM: break
1Pm: Study break
2PM: End of day

okay i think i can manage that, I have a friend in each of those classes so i'll be fine in those, I look to my friends and they smile down at me in admiration, "We're proud of you Fiona" Serena speaks and crushes me in another hug.

"Come on Rena, The girl doesn't need to be crushed in a million hugs, we all have english together so let's go come on!" Blake screams in her ear and i wince away from the loud noise.

We all connect arms again and treck to our english classroom, i silently freak out about my seat but then i realise that they allowed me to sit next to whoever i wanted, perks of having a dead father i guess, whoopee for me.

Mikey unlinks his arm and pushes through the door to the english classroom and walks in with confidence that i wish i could still have, "Fi our desk is this one, okay?" He struts over to desk right at the back, and leaves me the seat next to the window.

I sit myself down and grab out my books and pens until two hands place themselves down on my desk, it's my teacher. Mrs Brown, i've always loved her and english so the smile that falls onto my face isn't fake, "How are you Fiona dear?" her sweet voice whispers towards me "Hi Miss, Im okay, Thank you" she puts her lips together as if she can sense my lies and nods her head and tells me to excuse myself at any point if needed and walks right back over to her desk. "God she missed you so much you know? she would NOT stop asking me about you Fifi.." Mikey chuckles with a slight eye roll and I nudge his arm, "She's sweet, It's nice for her to care like that.. now shut up! it's poems, i love poems Mikey" He rolls his eyes once again and nods and grabs his own books and pens out.

"Today I would like you to explore creating a poem, you will be graded on this poem and yes you can pick the topic you wish, you will have the entire hour for this... so i expect a good poem! go!" Miss Brown shouts rather loudly.
I accidentally let out a squeal of excitement at the thought of writing my own poem and I look at mikey to find him already looking at me with something that i can't identify in his eyes, "What Mikey?!" I question, hoping to find out what he's thinking. "Nothing Fi, I just... missed you, that's it." I bite my lip and play with my fingers to avoid looking at those deep blue eyes any longer, god i'd get trapped and confess all my deepest secrets if i'd look in those eyes long enough.. he's like a siren.

"I missed you more" I grin, "but i'm trying to focus on my poem Mik, So please kindly, shut up" He just lets out a loud laugh that goes all the way through me and results in a shiver rubbing it's way through my body. I ignore it.

despite my fathers death being so recent i still decide to base my poem off of that, poems always helped me cope with my feelings. the words easily came to me and i was speeding away until a loud voice carried out across the classroom, "Time to share your poems class!" I internally groaned.

"Hm Mike? Would you mind going first" she looks over to me and Mikey, his eyes quickly glance to mine and he gulps and takes his book and puts himself at the front of the classroom.

His voice comes out confident but with a little tremble which i'm not sure why.

"My flower, you cause the root for my power, oh why did you have to die, Im praying for your bloom— for your precious soul to emerge, my beauty, come back to me"

I'm left speechless at his poem, Miss claps loudly and everyone else joins in, He sits back down and i'm left wondering what his poems about, i continue thinking about it until she calls out my name, shit.

I walk to the front of the class and let out a breath and try to show confidence.

"My hero,
My reason for laughter, my feet on your toes, undoubtedly causing you pain but there you take it, all for me. many words for this one term; dad, daddy, padre, papa but in my eyes only one matters, hero. i miss you daddy"

I fight back the tears that pool in my eyes and grimace, Mrs Brown has tears welling in her eyes and i can tell she wants a hug, I politely decline and say i'm okay and walk back to my desk and drop into my seat, "Fi..That was..beautiful" I look at Mikey and thank him and place my hand on his and for a second it feels like little sparks are running up my hand all the way throughout my body.

strange.

I think i'm fine, think i handled my emotions perfectly until my throat feels clogged and my brain feels foggy, I cough trying to help the feeling of choking, it doesn't help. My breath quickens, Im having a panic attack I realise, without hesitation I stand, knocking my chair down in the process and dart out of the classroom, vision blurring.

I stumble and trip over my feet several times in my journey to the closest bathroom , I push open the door, lucky for me it's empty. I reach the nearest stall and push it open, crushing to the floor as soon as im inside, Im desperately trying to inhale oxygen but i can't seem to catch it, it's so far away— i'm reaching and running to grab it but it just seems to be getting farther away.

My vision fades, black dots ebbing my sight until a hand rubs circles on my back, I feel his deep voice before i register its him, "Breathe FiFi, with me— in and out" he takes an inhale and i try to copy the motion, "That's it, good girl" He continues guiding my breathing until it's back to normal, Im spent. I fall against his chest and his hands stroking my hair are the last things i feel before everything goes black.