And then.... I almost lost you....

I'm Addicted to you

"Ohm...calm yourself...We are in public, please don't do this here"
"What the fuck is going on between you and Mark – Huh – Fucking tell me..!"
"Babe listen to me....calm down – you are not feeling well and we are surrounded by our Fans..just calm down and le-"
"Don't fucking tell me to calm down...I told you he was into you..you fucking made me feel like I was crazy and overreacting...Were you with him the other night when I called you, huh? Did you guys fuck? Is that the revenge for my slip-up last December?"
"What? No...you know I forgave you for that...what has gotten into you?"
"Don't fucking...I know you guys did something – I fucking know..tell me before I slap it out of you – FUCK"
"Ok ...this is going nowhere...I will leave now....talk to me when you come back to your senses"
„Noooon, fucking stay..", but Nanon had already turned on his heel to walk away from the curious crowd of their Fans. As Nanon walked away from Ohm, he felt tears slowly but surely running down his already stressed face. He couldn't believe that Ohm did that to them – to them and their Fans. It was supposed to be a beautiful and joyful evening but Ohm turned that night, that faithful night into that Incident that their fans later referred to as „the Maya Fiasco" or „the OhmNanon Fight scenario"
*
"I miss you...I wish I could see you again – today.."
"I miss you too but we saw each other yesterday afternoon when we did our project for Uplevel..remember?", Nanon was holding on to his phone, eyes soft from his boyfriend's sad Voice.
Nanon loved the way Ohm loved him – the way he missed him – but sometimes he would ask himself if Ohm loved him in a healthy way. Granted, Nanon almost missed him every second of every minute of every day but he also missed his friends, so naturally, he wanted to spend time with them, hang out, go to places, play video games, and stuff – He needed that – for a better balance.
But Ohm didn't have that – or better yet, didn't want that. On the contrary, he didn't even really have friends. He had his brother, Thai, who was his world, and Neo, who he met during an audition a few years ago and then he had Chimon, whom he met through Nanon, when they first became friends. Ohm practically had no other friends. But he was ok with that – at least that is what he told Nanon each and every time, Nanon tried to communicate – nicely of course – that having friends, life outside their relationship, could actually be a good thing. That way, they could and would miss each other even more and when they met again, it would feel extra fantastic. But there was no changing Ohms mind. He kept on saying that he was happy with the way things were and that he only needed Nanon to be happy. Nanon felt flattered of course, who wouldn't want to be the center of his Lovers Life? But being the center also had it's flip-side.
Ever since they got together 4 months ago, Ohm grew to become more and more possessive and controlling. He had to know where Nanon was going, with whom he was going, and why he was going anywhere. He ever so often calls him randomly during the day, just to "check" up on him. He would allow Nanon to go to places with people he personally liked and found "appropriate" to be around Nanon, on the other hand, seeing Nanon hanging out with people he disliked would make him angry. He especially hated those, Nanon had some type of special connection with, and to Nanon's dismay – Mark was one of those candidates. Unfortunately for Ohm though, Nanon really liked him – as a friend – nothing more, nothing less. Ohm didn't understand it and would start an argument, every time Nanon was, as so much as to, simply mention Mark's name in their conversation.
It even became so bad, that Nanon stopped talking about Mark altogether. To keep the peace, he would promise Ohm to drastically reduce meetings with Mark but in reality, Nanon kept meeting Mark on more or less regular bases – without telling Ohm anything at all. Nanon had no idea, how much he would regret making that Choice, later...

"Okay...I love you too"
"Okay, call me when you are done with your rehearsal.... Maybe we can go eat something together...mmm.. you smell so good Babe.."
"How are you even able to smell me? We are on the Phone" Nanon chuckled love-drunk.
"I am everywhere you are, therefore, I can breathe you in, and hug you anytime"
"Aaahh okay...I have to hang up...love you, talk to you later"
"Love you more...ok, take care – later then..."
-Phone Call ended -
"...but you did tell him that we are hanging out, right?" Mark shifted his attention from the video game to Nanon.
"Not exactly..."Nanon sounded unsure as if he was asking Mark to give him the right answer to that question.
"Non...what the fuck? You can't even tell your boyfriend, that you are hanging out with me?"
"Come on....you know how he can be...he is just worried..-"
"About what? That I might kill you? Or Kiss you?", Mark moved closer to Nanon, pretending to kiss him on the cheek.
"Hey hey...stop it...I know its insane...you and I are just friends...but for some weird reason, he is super jealous of you, I can not change that.." Mark gave Nanon a weird look, Nanon wasn't able to figure out what it meant, but he didn't give it too much thought either. Mark and Nanon were friends and Ohm was clearly overreacting - besides Mark was straight – He would ever so often tell Nanon about his flings and affairs in Bangkok and how he wasn't going to settle anytime soon. Nanon was always the one who tried to tell him „not to give up" and that „there was a right piece for everyone out there"– So why would he be interested in Nanon? That was completely insane, and Ohm needed to chill out.
"Non...Listen, we haven't been friends for long and I know it might not be my place to say this but, I can't help but wonder if Ohm has a minor aggression problem...I mean the other day, you told me that he found out about us playing football together, and he totally lost it. He called you like 10 times, writing endless messages. He even drove by your apartment that night only to have a totally senseless argument with you and to Top things he smashed your Monitor – out of anger...all because he got „angry" about us hanging out together" Mark threw him a worried look but Nanon just shook his head.
"That was a misunderstanding...he got worried because I didn't pick up the phone..."
"Non, you are defending him – again- this is not NORMAL – and I know you know it, too, maybe ...I mean just maybe...he needs someone to talk to..."
"You mean like what? Like a therapist? ", Nanon now started laughing. "Listen Mark, I know you mean well but you don't know Ohm, the way I know him...he is not like that all the time.....that was a one-time thing, he promised not to do it again.."
"Yeah right and I am Santa Clause merged with Chacky Chan..", Nanon rolled his eyes at him and turned to fix his bed, which was messy and untidy. Ohm hated it. He couldn't sleep if the sheets weren't perfectly laid and neat, It was one of his weird OCD Trades. Nanon quickly adapted to it, since Ohm had practically moved in with him, sleeping at Nanon's apartment every chance he got. Nanon loved it. He would cuddle into his big broad arms while Ohm showered him with kisses. He felt love, he felt home, he felt safe. Mark overreacted; they all did. No one knew Ohm the way Nanon did. He loved Nanon, it was love, nothing more, nothing less. Of course, Nanon remembered the incident last week Monday. Ohm had visited him, like he often did, and had taken Nanons phone – without permission – searching through it, to find... – well, Nanon didn't even know what Ohm was searching for. Suddenly – to Nanons complete surprise – Ohm threw Nanons Phone on the floor, throwing his hands in the air and crashing them back into his face. Nanon looked at him confused. He sincerely didn't know what was happening to his boyfriend. When he came closer, patting his back, wanting to know what was going on, Ohm snapped – in a very unpleasant way.
"Non....where were you on that Tuesday last week, when I called you around 2 am to ask you to come to eat lunch with me?...", Ohm's hands were still on his face when he asked that question. His knees were shaking aggressively and Nanon didn't know what was going on...
"I-...well..last week Tuesday...I was busy.."
"Busy- doing what exactly?"
"I was with ..with friends but we saw each other late in the evening, I don't understand"
"I don't give a flying Fuck what we did in the evening....I wanted to eat lunch with you in the afternoon and you told me you were busy rehearsing your lines for your project....and that you would call me, as soon as you finished....I didn't hear from you...why is that?"
Ohm had now removed his hands but was still not looking at Nanon, which irritated him. Ohm was staring fiercely at one spot on the floor. A spot that was totally uninteresting because there was nothing there. Was he angry with Nanon? And if so, why?
"Babe..what is going on with you..-?"
"Well...I don't know...I just found out that my boyfriend is a liar and that he obviously preferred spending time with his new best friend Mark than to eat lunch WITH HIS BOYFRIEND." Ohm was now shouting, which made Nanon flinch. What had suddenly gotten into Ohm? – He would find out the answer to his question about 2 minutes later. Ohm stood up from Nanons Bed, where he was sitting for the past 20 minutes apparently picturing things in his mind that wasn't even close to reality. He went to get Nanons Phone on the floor, only to unlock it – since Ohm knew his password – and show Nanon what apparently was the reason for his sudden change in behavior.
Nanon looked at a Picture on Instagram, which was posted from Marks Account – on that mentioned Tuesday afternoon – shit – he totally forget to tell Mark not to post anything regarding their meet-ups, but Mark did, tagging Nanons name on it. Ohm was furious. He violently grabbed Nanons fragile wrist and pulled him closer with full force.
"Why did you lie to me Non...is there something going on between the two of you?", Ohm was now holding Nanon's wrist unbelievably tight, almost crushing it. Nanon tried to free his hands, but he was too weak to do so.
Ohm didn't seem to notice – he was in some kind of Anger-Trance, starring at Nanon as if he wanted to drag every truth out of his subconscious.
"AAaaaiii Ohm....you are hurting me", Ohm's grip became tighter and tighter and more and more painful. It was so severe, that Nanons Hands were slowly turning violet. "Ohm please...please let go, you are hurting me, NOTHING IS GOING ON BETWEEN ME AND MARK!", Nanon was now whimpering and crying a bit – that made Ohm snap out of his trance, releasing Nanons Hands, looking at him in Shock. "Non... oh fuck..I am so sorry –", he made an attempt to come closer to Nanon, but Nanon instinctively jumped back – too afraid of what had just happened a few moments ago. Ohm lost it – his temper – and his self-control – he had no self-awareness whatsoever – and that was scary to Nanon, as he had never seen Ohm like this before. Sure, he had seen Ohm being short-tempered when it came to things People did and he didn't like - but this? This was something else entirely. Nanon took 3 steps back, away from Ohm, holding his hurting wrists, changing between his left wrist and his right one. His eyes were blurry from the tears that were slowly filling up his eyes, as realization struck him hard every moment he looked at his boyfriend, who wasn't his boyfriend at that particular moment. He didn't recognize the person, who stood before him as he knew that Ohm – his beloved Ohm – would never do something to intentionally hurt him.
"Non...fuck, I am so sorry", he sounded wounded and broken, carefully taking another step forward, the second attempt to get closer to Nanon but Nanon took another step back – he really was afraid of Ohm now.
"Please leave..", Nanon made way for Ohm to leave his room, as he couldn't be in the same room as his boyfriend anymore – he needed space to sort himself and Ohm definitely needed time to think about what he just did to him, Nanon thought.
"Non, please...I am sorry, I didn't mean t-"
"LEAVE...NOW – GET OUT", Nanon packed Ohms's Belongings into his bag, throwing it in his direction, he then opened the door, for Ohm to exit.
Ohm fought the urge to hold Nanon and force him to listen to him but he realized that he went too far, so he silently took his bag, turned to Nanon one last time and left. Nanon saw that Ohm was hurt and sorry, but he needed space and time to think.
The moment Ohm exited the door, Nanon closed it, locked it, and broke down. He cried, thinking about what the man he loved so dearly, just did to him. He wanted to speak to someone about it, but what would they think of Ohm? What would they think about their relationship? They didn't know Ohm the way he did. Ohm was loving, heart-warming, sweet, soft, and gentle. When they had their first time together, he made sure Nanon was not in pain, asking him about his well-being every minute. Ohm penetrating him didn't even hurt, he felt a little pressure but that was normal, Nanon figured. He was so gentle and perfect that Nanon even came way too soon for his liking. Everything was just perfect. So...they didn't know Ohm the way he did.
Nanon stood up, still wiping his tears when he saw his phone vibrating and blinking up constantly. Someone must have tried to call him - he didn't hear it since he was crying and sniffing for the past 15min. He took his phone, looked at and was shocked to see that Ohm had left him 20 messages and 35 Phone Calls, all in a time span of 20 minutes – because that's how long he was out of Nanons apartment. Nanon hurried and called back, as he was afraid that something might have happened to Ohm. Ohm immediately picked up, so Nanon felt a sense of relief.
"Ohm...whats going on? You left me all these messages, I thought something had happened to you", Nanon sounded broken and terrified.
"Non..Non..are you there? Can you hear me?.... Non?", it seemed as if Ohm couldn't hear him properly.
"Ohm...Ohm? Yes I can hear you..where are you?"
"Non please listen to me", he sounded just as broken and hurt as Nanon only more fearful. "Non...I-I-I am sorry, I love you so much and I lost it...I thought Mark was going to take you away from me, I-I couldn't let that happen, do you understand? I- I just couldn't. You are my life Non, the reason I exist, I can not lose you. I stepped out of line...I am sorry. I will never hurt you again, I am sorry Non, I am so sorry ", Nanon could hear him cry on the other end of the line and suddenly Nanon wanted nothing more than to hold him close to himself and tell him everything was going to be fine. He reacted like that because he loved Nanon sooo very much and he didn't want to lose him. Nanon was understanding of that part, but not of the part when he used violence to get what he wanted.
"Babe, I understand that – but you hurt me, not just physically but also emotionally. I was scared of you...you weren't yourself. Your eyes were so fierce and full of anger, I thought that you might hurt me for real...I got scared and I had to let you go...I didn't know what else to do"
"I am sorry Non..please don't leave me", Ohm sounded so terrified, it broke Nanon's heart.
"I would never NEVER ever leave you – I love you too much for that, you stupid hard-head", Nanon smiled into the Phone, wanting Ohm to be by his side right now.
"I love you ..Non..so much, I dreamed of you, being mine entirely one day...I love you so much, that I want to spend every spare time with you", Nanon smiled to himself, totally in love with the person on the other line. They loved each other so much, it was stupid and unrealistic sometimes. Nanon could be in a bad mood, seeing Ohm seconds later, and his mood would automatically change into a happy one, the moment he sees him, just because he saw him, smiling at him or even frowning. It didn't matter. The moment Nanon sensed Ohm's presence, his world was okay. It was crazy, what they felt for each other.
"Promise me, this wouldn't happen again."
"I promise", Ohm replied immediately. "When can I see you again...?"
"I'll see, maybe tonight..I have missed our little '2-gether time' "
"You want to have 'Make-up sex? "
"Why do you always have to be so blunt about everything, Pawat?"
Ohm chuckled, which made Nanon smile. "Yeah, come by tonight..I miss you already..."
"Ok...see you tonight, I love you – see you then...", Ohm said overjoyed, and hung up the Phone.
He promised – Nanon said to himself. He promised this was a one-time thing, a slip-up. He promised....
Unfortunately, Ohm wasn't able to keep his promise for long..