From Eden

thirteen

IMPORTANT: TIME SKIP FIVE DAYS TO TUESDAY JUNE 20
TW: Withdrawal
- -
It was only the first ballet class of the day, and I hated my life already. Since I found out Chloe trashed my stash, I hadn't had a puff of weed or a sip of alcohol to drink, and it was fucking terrible.

Since Friday, I had been experiencing the worst withdrawal symptoms a person could imagine. I constantly felt like I was about to throw up, but there was nothing in my stomach to throw up anyway. I was anxious to drive for some reason, and was irritated with my family all the time. I had spread out headaches, wasn't able to sleep all night, and the cravings to relapse were unbelievable, especially because I was constantly working at Abby's.

Chloe and I had barely spoken since our phone call on Thursday, unless it was during dance classes. I planned to talk to her more in depth about the situation, but never did. Maybe I was being rude, but she wasn't really there for me like she said she would be. She never even asked how I was, just watched as I withered away in the corner of the room.

"Do you want to lead the choreographing today?" She asked me now, not even looking me in the eyes. I only shrugged and turned away. "Okay then."

I flashed a scowl at her turned back, knowing that she knew I would not want to be choreographing. I already had a headache, and my stomach hurt. I could tell the withdrawal was peaking, and all I had to do was get through the next couple of days. Challenge: impossible.

"Hey everyone!" She greeted the kids as they entered Studio A, and I stood there, rigid, trying my best to look inviting. "Today will be our second class of choreographing your dance for the recital. Does everybody remember what the theme is?"

The children chorused, "Harry Potter!"

"That's right, it's called Wizards," Chloe beamed. Despite my bad mood, I had to soften at her excitement. Obviously she was the one to come up with that idea. "Let's get into our formation to stretch."

I sat down to half-lead the stretch, and felt my head pound. I winced and shut my eyes as I reached for my toes, hoping the pain would subside, but it didn't. I would have to just get through it...like yesterday.

As much as I wanted to shoot myself, get through it I did. The class was long and painful, but I did it. The following class I did have to choreograph, and I had to pat myself on the back for how well I was doing. My creative mind took over the Poe piece, and made it something dark and mysterious. Chloe shot me a shy smile a couple times through the process, and I tried my best to smile back. Though I was pissed at her, I didn't want to completely shut her out.

By the time lunch came, I was sweating bullets and panting; not exactly because I was working hard, but because I felt so sick that I was about to pass out. I immediately took some Advil with water once the break began, but felt disgusted with myself for even swallowing the pills. I gagged when they went down and fought the urge to heave them back up. When I coughed, my head pounded. It. Was. Awful.

It also didn't help that I would smoke during lunchtime when I was still doing drugs. Even before the ALDC hired me, eleven to twelve in the afternoon was when I would smoke a blunt on the porch. Knowing that I couldn't do it was absolutely killing me.

"Paige," I heard a quiet voice from behind me in the break room, and I turned to see Chloe, whose face only creased more with worry when she looked me in the eyes. "Hey, your lips are like, white...are you okay? Are you sure you don't want to go home?"

"Thanks for finally asking." I said, swallowing another cough. My voice was meant to come out passive aggressive, but it sounded weak. I avoided her eyes in embarrassment.

"I'm sorry," She said, chewing on her lip, "but I'm also not sorry. This is the worst of it, I promise...it'll go away."

"Just leave me alone," I borderline whined, waving her away as I sipped down more water. As she spun around and walked away, I pretended it was vodka. "God, I hate myself."