From Eden

fifteen

"A surprise? For what?" I lifted my eyebrows in curiosity, holding Chloe's eyes in hopes I'd get some kind of hint on what exactly she had planned. Though she had barely just gotten over a panic attack from seeing Abby, her dark eyes still held a tiny sparkle as she shook her head no. I wasn't getting any hints. "Well, alright...weirdo."

"Just go get in the car and go home," She waved me away, and started her own car. I squinted at her and smiled in good humor before turning around and unlocking my car. As soon as I did, she yelled, "Cya, loser!" and whipped her car out of the parking lot. I was both impressed with her urgency and the fact she didn't hit any potholes on the way out.

"Okay then," I said quietly to myself, trying to rack my brain and figure out what she would surprise me with. It wasn't even close to my birthday. Maybe it was just something nice she did for me? My heart warmed at the thought as I started my car and began to drive home.

On the drive, about two minutes in, my phone starting ringing and interrupted the country song I had playing. I saw it was Jaden, so I picked it up and said, "Hey, what's up?"

"Hey, Paige," He said, sounding fried. "So, the guys are all here right now at my parents' place. I know you're trying to stay sober and all, but dude, Jackson got some good fucking H. Or so I've heard."

"Dude," I sighed, "I am trying to stay sober. I'm...sorry." I had to force out the words; everything in me wanted to cave and smoke at least some weed. My stomach started churning at the thought, and my craving increased. He was silent on the other end of the phone for a while, so I said again, "And heroin, man, I..."

"C'mon," Jaden drew out his words. "It's apparently even better than what we had the last time. I don't really know where he got it, I think somewhere in Philly."

"I can't," I said. My voice was meant to be stern, but it came out weak. As I drove closer to my house, all I wanted to do was flip around and hit the city to join the guys. Fuck. "I can't."

"Don't you miss having fun?" He said, growing more impatient. He must have been drunk too; usually he wouldn't have been pushing me this hard. "All you do is work now, you never see us. I miss you, dude, we all do."

What could I even say to that? I missed them back, but there was no way I could hang out with them if they were all clocked out on heroin and shit. "I...have fun?" I choked out, feeling guilty about abandoning him, and not wanting to hurt his feelings about why we didn't hang out.

"Yeah, right," Jaden laughed. "Paige, I know you, you hate the studio. Why don't you see us anymore?"

He was right. I did hate it there. I just didn't hate Chloe. In the calmest, nicest tone I could manage, I said, "Because I can't be using, and when you guys hang out, we do shit."

"So what?" He said. "I don't understand why you can't do anything. They don't do drug tests at work, do they? Did you get busted for being high?"

"No," I bit my lip as I pulled up to my driveway, feeling such immense hunger for any drug or drink I could get my hands on. My voice shook as I said, "I promised my family I would be sober, it's better for me." I didn't want to tell him Chloe found me passed out.

"You sound rehearsed," He responded, something like pity in his voice. "Whatever. I'm done trying to link, because obviously you don't want to." He waited for a response for a moment, but when I didn't have one, he hung up. As I sat in my driveway, phone frozen in my hand, staring at Chloe's car parked on the street, I even trembled at his words a bit. He had called to hang out, and left me feeling sick and feral for drugs. In my car mirror, I saw my lips were ash white.

It took at least five minutes to center my breathing and bring myself to move. I took a slow, deep breath and opened the car door, shaking, and slammed it shut harder than I meant to. Nausea made me gag as I walked slowly up to my house, and I hoped Chloe wouldn't be waiting immediately inside with the surprise in case I threw up the little food I ate at the picnic earlier. I opened the door with a weak, trembling hand, and indeed saw a smiling Chloe right inside the doorway. Her smile quickly faded when she saw my distress.