Deep Poems

Conflict

Anger, resentment, powerlessness
I feel it all
I feel like my anger could be turned inward and is part of what affects my mood
"I'm responsible for how I let people treat me"
I tell myself
"What I tolerate will continue"
I tell myself
"Yes people can be terrible but it comes to a point where I need to say something"
I tell myself
Time and time again...
But then I freeze
I blank out
I feel powerless
I feel like a child
Being belittled by the bigger person
while I bite my tongue
Cause I don't want to react the wrong way
So I do nothing

Then it hurts me and it hurts my confidence
Cause people won't respect you if you let them walk over you
And it's like I have a sign that says
Pick on me cause I don't have power to do anything
At least that's how it feels sometimes
And I hate it
And I get angry with myself
In fact even more angry than I am with the other person
Because they don't know how I'm feeling
They are technically innocent cause they're not aware of what they're doing if I'm just silent or laughing along
"Silence means compliance"
I tell myself
But sometimes I don't know how to respond
So I stay silent

I'm tired of getting stepped on
It hurts me and makes me feel so small
It makes me want to cut everyone off
It makes me want to distance myself from people
Cause as much as I love them I let them mistreat me
And it hurts
So I begin to distance myself
It's irrational but it's protective
I know I can't push everyone away though
I know it's up to me to push myself to say something
Cause I'm not a punching bag
And I'm not a door mat
I know it's up to me to say
"I deserve the respect that I give"
I tell myself this
Time and time again
But then I freeze