Fade into you

Chapter 1

Nat hated rainy days. People who said they liked them clearly didn't have any leaks in their bedroom ceiling, right above their bed. The temporary tape she had put over the holes clearly hadn't held up the way she had hoped. Her hair stuck to her cold, wet forehead, and the efforts she had put in making her hair presentable for the first day of class had all vanished overnight. She grunted. There was no way there would be any hot water left for her to shower again.

Luckily enough, her backpack with her newly bought books was untouched, still sitting dry on her chair. She added a spare change of clothes to the bag and rushed out of her house. She'd shower in the locker room. This way she didn't have to pass by the living room and see that her mother hadn't moved since yesterday afternoon, passed out on the floor, laying in an unnatural manner, the way an untethered puppet would.

Nat found her meeting point with Van was the intersection between the end of the trailer park and Towson road empty. She was early. Normally, she would've waited for Van, but the rain was hitting her head so hard she didn't want to waste another minute outside. She hated the rain. She hated how the day was barely any lighter than the night. She hated being wet. She hated the cars that drove by, and never cared to slow down when they passed by the trailer park. She hated going to school and being home. She hated herself.

"Do you need a ride?" A hesitant voice snapped her out of her thoughts. She hadn't noticed the gigantic black car that had pulled over next to her.

"Lottie?" What was she doing here? Nat knew for a fact that the girl didn't live in a trailer. Everyone knew about Lottie's father, Mr Matthews and the multi million dollar fortune he had gained by running New Jersey's central bank. But that was also about the only thing that Nat knew about Lottie.

"I saw you and I thought you may need a ride." Lottie's voice sounded more confident this time.

"I don't need your fucking pity, Lottie, leave me alone." Nat didn't know why she talked the way she did. There was a time where she wished she was softer, kinder, more polished. But that was long gone. She just needed to get to the locker room before classes started and everything would be fine. Nat started pedalling, ignoring Lottie's insistent stare. She expected the girl to drive by her, but no. The car slowly followed her, going at her pace.

What is she doing?

She had been going for fifteen minutes when the rain turned into hail. It took everything in Nat to not scream out of frustration.

"For fuck's sake." She put her foot down and threw her bike. Without a word, Lottie pulled over again and got out of the car. She clearly wasn't dressed for the rain, but didn't hesitate to step into the mud with her converse.

"Get in, you're drenched." And without another word, she grabbed Nat's bike. The blonde girl was stunned. She always forgot that if Lottie was tall, she was probably also strong. Nat watched as Lottie opened her trunk and handled her bike with care. She didn't mind the mud sipping into the bags that sat in her trunk, the stain on her bare forearm as she lifted the bike up, or the hail piling up on her dark hair. She didn't mind that she knew nothing about Nat.

The drive was silent. Neither of them felt the need to force a conversation, something Nat was incredibly grateful for. She sucked at those. She tried to think about why Lottie might want to arrive at school so early, especially on the first day since summer break, but she had no idea.

"Can you drop me off by the field?" Nat asked. Lottie turned her head towards her with a questioning look that she avoided by looking straight ahead, pretending to be engrossed by the raindrops racing down the windshield. Without a word, Lottie turned left and drove to the field. She stopped the car and exited, making sure to only unlock the driver's seat. Nat froze. She sat still in the car while Lottie opened the trunk and brought the bike to her door alongside an umbrella. Lottie finally opened Nat's door and handed her the umbrella.

"Thank you"

"It's nothing. If it rains like that again tomorrow just wait for me at the same spot and I'll be there."

And just like that. Nat observed as the car drove away until it was out of sight.

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It wasn't until the afternoon that Nat saw Lottie again. They appeared to have English together. Lottie sat on the first row, by the window. She had put a backpack on the chair next to her, perhaps in an attempt to deter anyone from sitting next to her. Lottie must have sensed her as she walked through the door, because she turns around. There eyes meet. Neither of them smile, but the storm seems as strong inside as it is outside. Lottie looks back at the window, and Nat can finally breath again. She had known Charlotte Matthews since primary school. They were even in the same soccer team, and up until now, they had been perfectly fine with soaking a few words a month, all exclusively soccer related. Why would Lottie Matthews offer to help Nat the way she did, and then pretend like it never happened?

People talked shit about Lottie almost as much as they talked shit about about Nat, about how she was a pretentious rich girl that thought she was better than everyone, and dint bother to talk to anyone. But then again, they dissed Hat for the exact opposite reasons. While she always talked back, and even had gotten into physical fights, Lottie stayed stoic, indifferent. Nat wanted to give the girl back her umbrella, but not once did she look away from the window. Not even when the teacher made the roll call. Class ended and she sprung out of her seat, leaving the class in a matter of seconds.

"Hey, you didn't wait for me today!" Van appeared in the hallway and started walking with her. She liked Van. Van didn't ask any questions, was good goalie, and made rides to school less lonely. They both had an unspoken rule of not going to each others houses, they understood each other in a way the other girls of the team didn't.

"Sorry I was ready early and didn't want to stay under the rain longer than I had to." It wasn't a lie, but she wondered why she didn't mention her weird encounter with Lottie.

"Yeah talk to me about it, I had to stay with wet muddy shoes until lunch, I'm pretty sure you can still track everywhere I've been since this morning." She laughed.

"I wanted to ask you," Van continued, "you're staying in the team this year right?"

"Yeah it's my only shot at a scholarship."

"Yeah I thought so. Well, apparently Shauna and Jackie are throwing a party for us. Seniors only. I think this is Jackie trying to be team captain for once.

"When is it?"

"Friday night, at Jackie's"

Nat nodded. She didn't know if a party at Jackie's house was the best idea, or even if she was welcome. While she mostly got along with everyone in the team, she had always felt Jackie's judgemental stare linger a little longer than the others. Perhaps it was because the girl prided herself so much in still being a virgin despite having been with her boyfriend Jeff, for four years. Nat had made the mistake of telling her it was bullshit one day at practice a year ago in front of the other girls, and the target hadn't left her back since.

"Do you know if Lottie is coming?" She asked briskly as Van was about to leave. The girl looked confused by the question.

"Uh I don't know if she got the word, I could ask Shipman if you want?"

"I just wanna make sure that it isn't going to be just Jackie and her friends, you know. If she's going to make a party for the Yellowjackets then we better be all there." The words came out of her mouth without any control.

"Okay I'll tell Tai to tell Shauna for you."

"No no! Don't... don't tell her I asked. Just ask. Please?" Van frowned, confused, but ultimately decided to not ask more questions.

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It was still raining when Nat got ready to leave and go back home. She half expected Lottie to wait for her again. Of course she didn't. She felt her shoulders relax.

It's better this way. You don't need anyone.