Fade into you

Chapter 6

Songs I listened to while writing :

Bite the hand by Boygenius,
Mirror by Kendrick Lamar
To belong by Daughter

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She didn't utter a word. What was she supposed to say? She didn't know if she felt more sad, or enraged, but the emotions had built up to her eyes. She looked at Lottie's face, hoping for a new answer. Maybe she had heard wrong? Lottie's parents couldn't have possibly abandoned their daughter the moment she became a teenager. This couldn't be. Her head was spinning, she could hear her heart beating on her eardrums, drowning out every other sound. There was many things she could've said, but none seemed good enough. She knew that no words of hers could bring Lottie any comfort on a subject like this.

"Let's get some clean clothes." Lottie said before starting to walk down one of the hallways. Nat had no choice but to follow. She definitely didn't want to be left alone there.

Lottie walked assuredly up the flights of stairs, not once taking a break. Perhaps her strong kicks on the soccer field were due to the amount of steps she needed to do just to reach her room. One needed iron calves to do this everyday.

"Here it is" she walked through the last door of the hallway. Tucked on the farthest corner of the house, Nat suspected that it was the smallest room in the house. Lottie had probably done that deliberately in a desperate attempt to regain a semblance of control over her life.

The walls of the bedroom were painted in a pale green.

Of course they are.

She tried not to show sadness as she noticed Lottie's desk. The girl had hung her own drawings and A+ papers on the wall above. She could have the best grades in the school and no one would know. Or care.

You don't even have something you're proud enough of to hang.

Nat hadn't noticed how bad her own situation was until now. Lottie and her were so completely different, yet so similar. Both yearning, desperate to be seen yet invisible to everyone. But Nat saw Lottie. She saw her and she was going to make sure the girl would know it.

"Here you go" Lottie handed her a soft pair of pants and a navy hoodie. They both turned their backs around and started changing. Nat could hear Lottie's clothes hit the floor. Her heart skipped a beat. She shook her head in an attempt to focus on her task, which was to get changed as fast as possible and to not under any circumstance turn around before she was sure they were both ready.

She waited an entire minute just to be sure. Nat was swimming in Lottie's clothes. There was something comforting about it, being wrapped into warmth that smelled and felt like Lottie. Nat tried not to think too hard about the fact that the girl had definitely worn that very same hoodie before.

"Is my closet that interesting to look at?" Lottie's voice questioned her from behind. Nat turned around immediately embarrassed.

"No I-" she paused as soon as her eyes landed on the girl. Lottie had removed the clips on her hair, as well as all of her jewellery. Her carefully planned, tailored outfits had left place to a simplistic burgundy crew neck and cotton shorts neatly tied around her waist.

Lottie was just a girl. Just like Nat.

They both stood there, looking at each other, smiling shyly.

"That sweater is too big for you, want me to give you another one? I'm sure of I look into my box of clothes from middle school I can find something for you."

"Fuck you Lottie." Nat replied and they both laughed.

"Don't worry, I find it cute." Lottie nodded assuredly.