☆𝕐𝕆𝕌☆ A SEUNGIN FANFICTION

☆CHAPTER 1☆

☆SEUNGMIN☆

I took one last glance at my house, before turning away.

I'm going to go to a boarding school across the city. My mom thinks it's best for me. You may think academic wise, but no...something else.

⚠️suicide references⚠️

My best friend Jeongin died two months ago. Suicide. My mom thinks I should get away from the place it happened. If I would have known he was suffering I would have done anything to help him. Anything. Tears came to my eyes as I remembered that. Not a single moment goes by that I don't blame myself for his death.

He was always so smiley and cheerful, one would never even guess he was depressed. I was so blind as to be like one of those people. But I'm not. I was supposed his best friend. I should have known something was wrong.

As much as I didn't want to, the memory of seeing his body sitting lifeless on his desk, his head on the surface of it. A bottle of pills open on his table, a few pills spilling out.

My breath got caught and it felt like my throat was being squeezed. My vision got blurry. Why did he have to die? Why him? Why not me instead?

⚠️end of suicide references ⚠️

Everything went black for what seemed like the 100th time this month.

☆☆☆

I woke up to find myself lying down on my bed. In my own room. My parent's don't bother taking me to the hospital anymore. I faint too often.

"Did you take your pills today?" a familiar voice asked. I looked to my left and saw my mom sitting down. I hadn't noticed her.

"Uh...no," I croaked. She looked at me annoyed. "How many times do I tell you to take them? How many times!?" she yelled. "They make my head hurt," I said simply.

"And not taking them makes you faint," my mom said. I wish she would leave me alone. She went on and on, talking about why I should take my pills.

I sighed, at this point she wants me to be addicted to them.

The truth is, it isn't just because of the headache I don't want to take them, I'm just scared...? Taking them makes me think of Jeongin. When they slide down my throat, I imagine Jeongin going through the same sensation over and over again until his heart managed to give away...

A lump formed in my throat. I've been thinking about Jeongin an awful lot today.

My mom sighed, making me remember she was right there. That happens often. "If you're fine now, go. You're going to miss the train," she said. She really wants me gone. I sat up, and it felt like the world was going upside down and my vision was blurry. However, it took five seconds for the feeling to melt away and disappear, letting me get up. My bare feet touched the cold wooden floor of my room. "I'll be waiting for you in the car," she said, getting up and leaving me in my room.

I searched my room for my shoes. However, they weren't there. My mom must have taken them off me downstairs. Most likely. The thing is she has OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) so she wants everything and I mean everything to be perfectly clean. She doesn't like shoes in the house (I obviously agree with her for sure on that one).

I walked downstairs slowly, gripping the rail, still feeling slightly dizzy. Once I finally reached the front door, I put my sneakers on and headed outside. My mom's car was running, and she was waiting for me. I opened the back door and sat down. "Finally! I managed to get ten more minutes off from work," My mom said. I didn't reply and plugged my earphones in. I don't want to hear her words. I just want to hear my music. So, I pressed my volume up until it was full, however, I wanted more.

"SEUNGMIN!?" my mom shouted, glancing at me from the rear mirror. I reluctantly took my headphones off. I could hear my music playing even when they were off. "Turn them down," she said. "Why?" I asked, obviously, she could hear my music. "If I can hear it from here, it's too loud. You'll ruin your ears!" she scolded. I sighed deeply, hoping she wouldn't count that as disrespect and lowered my volume by one. "More," she said, her eyes on the road in front of us. She knows me too well.

I once again sighed and lowered my volume to 'the recommended volume'. "Happy?" I asked, annoyed. "Watch your tone," she said, giving me a quick death stare. "Sorry," I mumbled. A few minutes later, I turned the volume back up.

☆☆☆ 

We finally arrived at the train station. It was quite busy, but at last, we arrived at the right station. "Bye sweetie," she said, her arms open wide so I could hug her. I gave her a quick hug. "Bye," I said back, and without another look, I boarded the train. I found my cabin and put my bag away. There are supposed to be three other people sitting here beside me. I sat down on the sorta-uncomfortable seats and started listening to some music, getting lost in the sounds.

Sure enough, a few minutes later, two males arrived and took a seat. "Hello!" said a small boy. He had blonde hair, freckles like stars on his face, pink heart shaped lips and blue eyes. His beauty was breathtaking. I was recovering from the shock when I took another look at the other boy. He had dark hair, defined yet light features, plump lips and very fierce eyes. "H-hi," I said, feeling strangely conscious of my own features. Self hate flooded me, but I tried my best to hide it. Luckily they didn't notice, that would have been embarrassing. 

"I'm Felix, this is my boyfriend Hyunjin!" the blonde boy said, pointing to the dark haired boy. "Nice to meet you, I'm Kim Seungmin." I introduced myself. Hyunjin smiled. "Nice to meet you too," he said. "So, is this your first year too?" I asked, trying to start a conversation. "Yep, what grade are you in?" Felix said. "11th," I replied. "Us too!" Hyunjin said. I smiled. 

We talked for a little while longer before another male came running in. He was muscular (stays do you know who it is (super easy)), had dark hair, and was pretty short. Whatever shortness he had, he made up with his muscles. "Hey," he said, running out of breath. I could see why because just a few seconds after he entered the cabin, the train took off. If he would have been just one minute later he would have most likely missed it.

"Hi!" said Felix and Hyunjin. "Hi," I said, a bit late, but at least I still said it. In the back of my mind, I cursed myself for the mistake. 

"They're gonna think you're rude and stuck-up, they must hate you," said that little voice in the back of my head. I used to never have such a thing called 'a little voice'. It all started when Jeongin died. Heck, everything bad started when he died. It feels like his death was long ago- not two months ago. Yet at the same time, it feels like it was just yesterday.

"Hey, are you ok?" Felix asked, worriedly. "Oh, yeah! I'm sorry," I said immediately. "OK! Just checking!" he said. "Great now they think you're weird. Great way to start the year," 

The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Well not for me at least, I had my earpods plugged firmly in my ears. I stared at Felix, his head resting on Hyunjin's shoulder. A memory flashed in my mind. 

Our first trip together. Jeongin and I were on the train- just like this one, to the beach. Halfway through the trip, I placed my head on Jeongin's shoulder to fall asleep. He placed his head on mine. Since I wasn't asleep yet, I interlocked my fingers around his. We both fell asleep like that.

God, I miss my best friend so much it hurts.

1392 words

A/N: im listening to 5 star while reading this. stays, if you haven't streamed it...what the hell are you waiting for ,GO! my top three are Hall of Fame, TOPLINE and S-class. yours?

☆Thank you for reading☆