Te Iubsec...Forever.

16 Life is Good

Almost as quickly as Franceska's lips settled onto me, I was jolted awake, and how!

I opened my eyes, and Franceska collapsed onto me, exhausted and breathing heavily. I rubbed her sweat sticky back softly, and she twitched slightly as I touched her. She was uncharacteristically warm all over, and her hair was a damp mess, stuck to her back and shoulders. Instantly I remembered the beautiful flowered field and the grassy spot. I asked her about it, but she only managed a breathy laugh in response.

It was light out; the candles had all burned away. Ches was still breathing heavily. I moved from underneath her, picked her up as carefully as possible, took her back to the bedroom, lay her on the bed, closed the shades, pulled the bedspread over, and covered her. I then climbed into bed next to her, drained of nearly all my energy, and fell asleep holding her.

So, it was over. I had been through it and come out on the other side fairly well intact. It's scary what you face when you face yourself sometimes. Life is not always kind, and we are not always kind to ourselves. Some of us are our worst critics, which says volumes because people, perfect strangers, are none too friendly. But, what Ches said about the mirrors always lying, she had her reasons for that. When going through the change, you see the worst in yourself, and it comes at you tearing, slashing, and stomping on your heart, but it's only a tiny part of what makes you, you. I did not like what I saw in the mirror; perhaps when I looked into the mirror, other times I knew that stuff too, only subliminally.

Franceska took great pains to prevent me from seeing that, from staring deeply into the mirror, into the abyss. She did not want me to see myself that way. You can get lost in those very negative thoughts, and once you allow yourself to be led down that road, it is awful hard to find your way back. I needed a friend, a companion, someone who cared to keep me from going over the edge, and Ches was there just in time.

I felt better, more secure than I had felt in years. Something inside me had indeed changed. Was it the devotion and care of another soul? Maybe, sure can't be discounted entirely. Was it that I had finally seen the worst in me and now had what I needed to be able to put it all behind me? Maybe, I sure hoped so. Whatever it was, I knew those feelings I had carried around for an eternity, those feelings of being used, overlooked, detached; they felt like they were suddenly falling behind me. There was a difference in my energy; the old me was slowly fading away, the parts I needed to lose anyway. Life was only going to get better.

I woke later to the sound of pages turning. Ches was sitting up, propped on pillows, and looking at an old science fiction art book. My eyes adjusted to the light after the sound sleep. As she came into focus, I noticed she was wearing my headphones. She noticed me stirring, smiled, and pulled them off.

"Buna ziua sotul meu," she said softly.

"Hi Ches, it lunchtime yet? It's bright out, huh? What time is it really?"

Ches glanced down at the clock.

"Nearly one, and I'm glad you are awake. I'm hungry."

I had to laugh; it was such an innocent admission. Sure, she was hungry, and I was too. And while Franceska was unlike any other woman I had ever known, she was also just like all of the women I had ever known. I snickered quietly, thinking it was better to keep that realization to myself.

"I want you to take me somewhere to eat," she whined ever so slightly and made a pouty face.

Of course, I nodded in agreement.

"Ohh, and tell me, what do you know of Rush?"

I returned a blank stare; I had no idea what she was talking about.