Lyssophobia || Soukoku

1|| When You Are On The Edge And Falling Off, It's All Over For You...

Hello ^-^! 

Welcome to my new story even though the updates will be a little slow lol! 

I will explain what lyssophobia mean in the end! 

Warning! 

- This story will be a boy x boy story! There may be smut! If you don't like it please don't read! 

- This chapter contains parent abandonment, neglect, references to abuse and alcoholism, depressed thoughts, suicide attempt. If you are uncomfortable or are affected easily, please don't read! 

I won't tolerate any hate comments! 

Anyway, enjoy! 

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

Flashback To Seven Years Ago 

Dazai was alone in his room again. Being punished by his father was not something unusual for him. In his father's opinion, he was an ungrateful child and a good punishment was what ungrateful kids deserved. 

Dazai had gotten used to being punished by now, but it didn't make the loneliness he felt any easier. 

He looked around the room and sighed deeply. He was so used to his surroundings that it had no longer held any sense of novelty for him.

The room was the coziest atmosphere in the house he had grown up. The atmosphere in the house was suffocating him and it was too much to take... Especially the living room which his father usually spend his time... It was always too hectic and full of chaos. There was an old, beaten-down that resided in one corner. The floor was always filled with empty alcohol bottles scattered around.

Dazai hated his father. He was scared to be someone like his father. He was terrified that he could become just like him... Aggressive, violent and authoritarian and would eventually end up destroying himself and the one he "loved", Dazai's mother, just like his father did. He was scared to going insane just like his father... 

So, to keep himself from becoming like him, Dazai decided to end his life...

He stood in front of the mirror in his room and unwrapped the bandages around his neck and his arms. He ran his index finger his once perfect and unblemished, but now scarred skin. He sighed heavily, some faint but visible and some fresh cuts marked his skin. Every scar had a different story. 

He sighed heavily again. Some faint memories and some fresh worries marked his mind. Every thought had a different weight.

Dazai had grown up in a dysfunctional household with an alcoholic, neurotic, insane, also most of the time absentee time, father and a constantly screaming mother. Eventually, everything must had been become too much for his mother that she left when Dazai was only five years old, leaving him all alone with his father. 

Despite everything Dazai still loved his mother. He couldn't forget the last time she embraced her before leaving and that embrace was the main reason why Dazai never truly recovered from it. He had become withdrawn, constantly thinking of his mother and feeling like the hole she had left in his heart would never be filled. 

The void made him anxious and scared. He started to worry that he was going crazy and could feel a darkness somewhere inside him. Whenever, he thought of his father, some of that darkness was growing inside of him as if his mother's abandonment was an omen of some kind of mental illness. 

Without his mother's guidance, Dazai was filled with a constant fear and he was always anxious. He blamed his father for his mother's abandonment and he was terrified that he would end up insane like his father. This fear was so great that he was beginning to go insane, haunting by dark thoughts and visions that he was sure were a sign of a mental illness. 

Dazai thought he was going insane and the thought scared him. He started to consider suicide as a way out, feeling like no one would miss him and that he was helpless in battling his inner demons. 

He had nobody to talk to and cried himself to sleep at nights, scared of what the future would bring. Would he be an insane person like his father and end up being abandoned by the person he loved because he hurt them just like his mother abandoned his father? 

Hoping to escape the fear, Dazai sought solace in drugs, trying to numb the pain and fear away, but, no matter what he tried, it only worsened the situation and drove him closer to his suicidal thoughts.

One day, Dazai could bear it no longer and attempted to take his own life. 

Dazai couldn't really take it anymore. He had no one to talk to. He had no one who would care about him or miss him. His heart felt like it was heavy and his lungs felt so tight that he couldn't take a full breath. He felt like a miserable, worthless person and he thought that the world would be better without him. 

He was tired... He neither wanted to feel this pain anymore nor continue to live with this pain anymore... Suicide seemed like the fastest and easiest way out... 

So, after he had taken all the necessary steps, he was ready to do the deed. He took all of his clothes and stepped into the shower with a razor blade and determined to end his life once and for all. As the water cascaded over him, Dazai made incisions along his wrists and arms, feeling a blessed release. He felt calmer and the weight seemed to leave his body with blood. She continued cutting deeper and the pain felt like a welcomed distraction to the anguish in his heart. 

When he looked down, he noticed the blood running down his arm was making a pool on the floor of the shower and suddenly felt lightheaded due to excessive blood loss. 

The last thing Dazai remembered before passing out was the sound of ambulance sirens outside his window.

Several days later Dazai woke up in a hospital bed with three nurses standing over him. He was informed that he had made a failed suicide attempt and was given the appropriate medical attention before being discharged. 

Dazai didn't speak. He just stared at the ceiling vacantly, unsure of what future held. He was given a list of mental health resources and eventually left the hospital with a heart heavier than before. 

Present Time 

For seven years the failed attempt only reminded Dazai of his terrible situation. He had no one to turn to and was in desperate need of help. 

When Dazai met with Odasaku, for the first time, he was able to talk to someone about his feelings and fears. 

With Odasaku's help, he eventually found a counselor to get the help he needed. 

Maybe he could find everything else he needed as well... 

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

What is lyssophobia? 

- Lyssophobia is the extreme fear of becoming mad or going insane.

What are the symptoms of lyssophobia? 

- Symptoms of lyssophobia may include avoidance of situations, feelings of panic or dread, increased heart rate and sweating, nausea, shaking and difficulty breathing. 

What causes a person to develop lyssophobia? 

- Lyssophobia can be caused by a traumatic event where the person believed themselves to be in danger of losing control, or it can be triggered by feelings of insecurity and a fear of the unknown. It can also be caused by a genetic predisposition or environmental factors. 

What can be done to treat lyssophobia? 

- Treatment of lyssophobia may include cognitive-behavioral therapy, relaxation techniques and medications to help manage the anxiety and fear associated with the phobia. 

Anyway, I love you all ^-^! 

See you in the next chapters >~<~!