What's home, if not the first place you flee from? What's love, if not that blazing, unexplainable feeling born from the ashes of hate?
Reputable for her appeal, servility, and obsession with cartoons, Alaina is a workaholic immigrant doctor who's s...
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Giveon - For Tonight.
🌼
AS SOON AS I LEAVE MR. ASH in the dining room, I beeline to my room and lock my door. I'm not taking chances on another morning ambush. Today I woke up to a tray of daisies, white chocolate, painkillers, orange juice, and yet another note.
It didn't say anything special, just like the others, but I still liked seeing it. There's something strangely sweet about his awful handwriting. It reminds me that he isn't just some untouchable billionaire. He's a man. A flawed one. I never imagined he had a soft side, and I didn't expect it to feel this good, being on the receiving end of it.
I keep thinking about the way he knelt in front of me, hands on my thighs, face slack with remorse. Some stubborn, twisted part of me liked that I might be the first woman he ever begged. His apology didn't erase what he did, but it was obvious he meant it, plus he gave it to me from the floor.
That's why I agreed last night to let him try to make things right. My friends warned me not to get too close. Maybe they're right. This might wreck me. So I set boundaries to protect myself. No sex. He said yes. I know it wasn't what he wanted, but his word held. It gave me some peace.
I want him. I want him in ways that scrape me raw. But I can't break that rule. If I give in, this will start to look like something it isn't. We'd turn into something undefined. Not enemies. Not lovers. Not strangers. Just bodies pretending to mean nothing. Friends with benefits. Or, like my friends joked, work buddies with benefits.
His touch softens me in places I swore were granite. I hate that. It makes him seem too human. Too real. And if I let that feeling grow, I'll fall into the exact love pit everyone warned me about. I'm not ready to get attached to him. I can't even afford to. Not with our past. Not with what's coming. Not when eventually, he'll grow tired of this and find someone else.
It's only been two days. Just two days in a foreign place with Mr. Ash. But nothing feels solid. Everything's tilting. Upside-down. Alternate. Hate feels unfamiliar. Fear, wavering into something unnameable.
I shake my head, shove the thought aside, and check my phone. A smile pulls at my mouth when I see the messages from the people I love. Each one checking in with their strange, beautiful concern. I didn't know how much I needed that.
Nessa: Girl, seriously? No missionary?! I lost a hundred bucks because I thought your conservative ass would let him be on top! Call me. I need to scream at you.
Oma: Heyyyyyyyyy! I heard what happened. Take a pic of...EVERYWHERE and send to me. I NEED TO SEE!
Sandra: Proud of you, bitch. Be in charge, and don't let him get to you like I let Amir get to me. PS, do NOT listen to anything Jade has to say. She will deceive you. ;)
