Benumbed Me | Zayn Malik

February

_________________27 February___

Looking at the magazine rack, I spot a old friend on the front with her boyfriend. Eleanor Calder. She looks breath taking as always. Louis and her are holding hands. According to the headline, they had gone out to this fashion show.

~

"Ellie, can we go now!"

"Not until you try this on. It is going to look fab. Trust me."

"Fine. But you owe me a ice cream."

"Kay, love."

~

"Do you need help miss?" The lady said from behind the cash box.

I didn't respond. I just walked straight out of the drug store.

It happened again. The meaningless flash of memory. Only a snap of it because someone interrupts me. For the past month I couldn't stop seeing things. Memories of everyone who I left or who left me.

Eleanor is one of who left me. Her and I use to be best friends until I was 15. We could do anything if we wanted to. We had plans on going to Uni together, to get married at the same time, and have kids at the same time. It got ruined.

~

"El what is wrong with you?"

"No what is wrong with you?"

I stopped following her. I was standing in the hallway of some popular kids house who were having a party. (To this day I still don't remember who's house it was, but it had alcohol so I went, dragging her along.)

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what! Chance you are ruining everything."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

El comes up to me and grabs my wrist. She pulled my sleeves up, exposing my bare, beaten up skin. Scares. Cuts I made to know I was real.

"They are nothing! Just nothing."

"How are they nothing!?! You don't understand. You are hurting yourself for no reason at all! If anyone finds out, we will be ruined."

"We?"

"Yes, we. Do you know how bad this can ruin our status? You being know as the cutter can't happen. I can't be at the bottom again."

"I am at the bottom, El. Our status doesn't exist with me."

"If you don't care and you can't stop, I am not helping you anymore. I'm done."

Wet, hot tears roll down my face with all her words in my mind, playing over and over again. Eleanor tries to give me a hug like a final goodbye, but I just step back away from her.

"Don't touch me. I need you, but you don't give a fuck."

I turn around and run out of the house, pushing people out of the way quickly. The last thing I heard from her was,

"I'm sorry! Chance! Come back, please."

~

A few days later she called me. I never answered. Since then I haven't seen her since school ended.

One other time I saw her was when I was at Starbucks over a year ago. Nothing happened though. I was waiting in line and she was leaving. We made eye contact. Eleanor looked like she was about to say same thing, but she got stopped by these two girl asking for a picture. Before she could doing anything else I left the building. I don't want anything to do with her.