All The Faith In The World

Chapter 4: My Life Isn't Exactly Perfect.

I ended up waiting for Connor and Noah. It was getting close to summer, and it was already hot out so I decided to hold out on the walk home. Noah was chatting up a storm as always. Connor on the other hand was pretty quiet, but I have a feeling it also had something to do with what he told me earlier.

"So then I told her to just spend the money on the tickets, I mean, really, when is your favorite band going to come to town again. Especially when they hardly tour anymore," Noah said about Nathalie wanting to buy tickets to see her favorite band in about a month. I hardly paid attention anymore whenever he talked about her.

"Faith?" Noah said looking at me through the mirror on the sun deflector thing.

"Huh? Oh yeah that's an awesome idea," I said looking back out the window.

"Faith, I asked you which color shirt I should wear to the concert." Noah said looking very confused.

"Whatever shirt you feel like wearing that day," I said. I wanted to say, It doesn't matter what shirt you wear, Nathalie will still go home with some guy she meets in the line to get a churro. I didn't say that, obviously.

"I will just see what I have," Noah said. The conversation died off after that. Connor turned off onto the next exit. I had been down this exit so many times, I knew it like the back of my hand. We would get off here, then go down a long, windy road, then turn left, then right, and finally into our neighborhood. And our house was the first one on the right. I opened the door to Connor's truck and slipped out onto the driveway.

"Faith, before you go in there, just know that mom is very stressed out, so if she goes off on you, don't think anything of it, she probably doesn't mean it," Connor said, pulling me away from the door.

"I will be fine, don't worry," I said although, I knew something was bound to happen. I turned the door knob and pushed on the wooden door to let us in. It wouldn't budge. I pushed harder. Still wouldn't budge.

"Come on Faith, it's hot out here," Noah whined.

"I am trying! It won't open!" I said back to him. It took all 3 of us pushing on the big wooden structure to finally get it open. Inside, it looked like a tornado went through our living room. Papers and boxes spread out everywhere. Clothing, furniture, everything you could possibly imagine was in our living room.

Our house was a one story, small, cramped, ranch house. The outside was painted dark brown with a lighter brown trim. On the inside, it had 4 bedrooms, a kitchen, a living area, and 3 bathrooms. When you turned down the hall that Connor's head just barely missed the top of, you would see a fork in the path. If you turned down the right, you would see 4 doors, which was our rooms and the bathroom. First, Connor, then me, and finally Noah's room. Across the hall from Noah was our bathroom which we all shared. If you turned to the left, my parents room, and their bathroom. So, all in all, our house was very small. All through the hallways there were piles and piles of papers and books and clothing just sitting there.

"Hi," I said to my mom when she ran from the living room to the kitchen. If Noah hadn't been right behind me, I would have been knocked over.

"Oh hi. Your home early," she said with a tired expression on her face.

"No, we are home right on time," Connor said to her as we all laid our stuff on the counter.

"Dinner won't be ready for a while, so if you get hungry, just order a pizza," she said and with that she was gone into the next room.

"I'll call," Connor said as he opened the phone book to Charlie's Pizza. Noah went straight to his room.

"Call me when it gets here," he said. I went to my room too, if I could even find my room. I was climbing over my third stack of clothing when I heard the door open. Dad.

"Dad! You're home!" I said. I climbed back into the living room. He was standing in the doorway wearing an old, ratty shirt and jeans. He was smoking a cigar and looked absolutely beat.

"Hey kid. What on earth happened in here?" he asked me.

"I don't know, but mom said to order pizza, so maybe she is crafting again or cleaning ut the garage or something," I said. I looked at him, trying to get his attention and talk about my day, but he just kept looking around the room at the mess.

"Let me go see what is going on here," he said and walked right past me to get to his room. I watched him go.At least we were getting pizza.

5 minutes later, I hear screaming and yelling coming from the other side of the house.

"Connor, what's going on with mom and dad now?" I asked.

"I don't know. Just leave them alone. They will be fine by morning." Connor never even looked up from the T.V. to answer me. I nodded and walked away. They usually were fine by morning. Yeah, I shouldn't be worried.

"Is the pizza here yet?" Noah asked me when I was going to go into my room.

"I don't think so. I haven't heard the doorbell yet," I turned to go into my room.

"I'll go check," he said and walked down the hall stepping over piles as he went. I laid down on my bed and picked up my ear buds. My favorite band, The Leopards, just came out with a new track and I have been dying to hear it. I wish I could be a professional singer, but I can't match a pitch for my life. Trust me, I've tried. I was just about to push play when I hear a door slam from the other side of the house.

"FINE! THEN I WILL LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK!!!!!" I hear my dad yell as he walked down the hall. No! He can't leave. I run to the living room just in time to catch him.

"No dad! Don't leave," I called to him. Connor and Noah came running up behind me to see what's going on.

"I can't take her anymore! It's been 18 years. 18! Of just continuous fighting! I'm leaving," he yelled at me.

Noah stepped closer," Where will you go? You can't leave us! We are your kids. Don't you love us?" He yelled back at dad.

"I don't know who loves who anymore. I'm just getting far away from here," he opened the door.

"Wait no! Please don't leave! Please," I said stepping toward him.

"Don't follow me either. I don't need 3 kids with me, it's too much," he said. I couldn't hold back the tears any more. They started flowing down my cheeks but I didn't make any noise.

Dad took one look at me and said," You're not even mine, so you shouldn't be crying. Go cry to your real dad, kid," then he turned to Connor and Noah," I might come back, let me think about it," and with that he left. I looked down at the floor where my tears had fallen onto the dirty white carpet.

"Faith?" Noah asked with his sweet, caring voice that could melt anyone's heart in an instant. I didn't want them to see me cry. I just stood in one place and didn't make any movements.

"Why did he say I wasn't his?" I asked in a quiet voice.

"It doesn't matter. Are you ok?" Connor asked coming closer.

"Why did he say that I wasn't his?" I asked louder this time. I turned around toward them. Noah had a look on his face like someone had just ran over his puppy with a truck. Connor looked concerned and very worried. I thought about all the times we fought, all the times we made each other mad. But, I now knew what grandma and grandpa said when they came over and we fought in front of them, your brothers will always be there for you. I ran into Connor's arms and just started bawling. He didn't let go. He could tell I was hurting. Noah came behind us and Connor pulled him into the hug too. And to think, the man we had grown up with. The man I thought was my dad just left. My own dad didn't want me. I wasn't even his.

He wasn't my dad.

These weren't my brothers.

Who am I?