After crossing a lot of crooked ponds surrounded by creepers, Shikhi reached the shore of one pond. A lotus had blossomed in it and its mild fragrance was spreading all around. There was shade all around the pond due to dense trees. Shikhi stood quietly for a few seconds in that cool shade. He was thinking, ‘Why should I be so afraid of my mother? Why is Gurudev so concerned about me?
It is true that a person will only be concerned about someone whom they love. My father loves me and he will always be worried about me. Even Gurudev has affection towards me, so he will also be concerned for me. How should I even tell him to not worry for me? This would be disrespectful. But I don’t like it at all when someone worries for me.
It is true that my mother has unnecessary grudge against me. She has enmity for no reason. But nothing happens without any reason. Alright, in this life there is no reason for my mother to hate me; I can neither see nor understand any reason for her to hold grudges against me. My mother could be hurt because of me if some of her selfish motives might not have been fulfilled. Then it is natural if she is hurt and there is anger. But no such thing has happened.
Surely, there will be a reason for this hatred due to some incidents in the previous lives! A seed might be hidden under the soil and be invisible. But how can I know the happenings of our previous lives? But yes, if I get the presence of any Tirthankar the way my Gurudev met Tirthankar Ajitdev, or if I get to meet any knowledgeable person, then I can get to know. If I get to know the reason, I can even find the solution for it. Then I can find a way to deal with it. The intense grudge that my mother holds for me can be erased. Enmity can be removed from her heart. As a result, she will be happy in her future lives. She will receive good incarnations until she attains salvation. Otherwise, my innocent mother will keep reincarnating in terrible areas. Being helpless, she will have to tolerate a lot of pain
She didn’t know how to live and she will not know how to deal with death. The person who keeps thoughts of grief and cruelty, continuously wanders around impulsiveness. He doesn’t get peace and relief at the time of death. That creates an environment for grief and cruelty filled thoughts. Such a person dies with tears and keeps wandering in painful incarnations!
Somehow, if I convince Gurudev to go to Koshambi, then I can make my mother listen to the teachings of Tirthankars daily and nullify her hatred. The impact of Tirthankar’s teachings is unimaginable. It can transform a sinner into a pious person and a violent person into non-violent.
Anyway, my mother has sent a persuasive invite for me to come to Koshambi. She has apologized for her mistakes and shown devotion towards me. This means that there might have been a slight change in her. There might be some transformation in her heart.
Gurudev thinks that this letter is with a deceptive heart. A person can have grudges in his heart and still pretend to be friends! This is called cheating and fraud. But I am unable to understand, why will my mother spread the trap of deception? It’s been more than lakhs of years now that I have been away from her! It’s been long, neither have I seen her nor has she seen me. And now, I am a monk! Away from deceptions and free from relations of the physical world! For me, my friends and enemies are equal. Till today, I have never said anything wrong about my mother in front of anyone. Yes, if I had ever said something wrong or bad about my mother to anyone, and that person would have gone and told everything to her; then if she had hatred towards me, it would be okay. But there is nothing like this.
Father had come but he didn’t even say a single thing about mother. She didn’t even come here with father. But I have nothing to do with this matter! My father was already upset with mother because of me! Since the time he got to know that mother has tried to kill me, he has some kind of hatred towards her. But this issue is very old. So many years have passed since then. After renouncing home, there has been no relation between mother and me.
There is neither any affection nor hatred towards mother in my heart. There is neither closeness nor distance. I have gotten rid of the burden of all relations from my heart. The colours of relations have faded long ago.
But the teachings of Tirthankars say that even after becoming a monk, one should not forget the favours of parents. For the sake of parents, even the son who has become a monk needs to fulfill appropriate duties. This is not about worldly relations but about spiritual. As an individual, I don’t have any attachment towards my mother. But whatever I have, is attraction on a spiritual level. My conscience is eager to do good for my mother’s soul. And she herself has asked me to come and show her the spiritual path of her capacity.’
A cuckoo who was silently sitting on the branch of a tree, suddenly started tweeting. Shikhi ensured that there were no insects on the stone and sat on it. He started drowning in the ocean of self-analysis.
‘Am I attacked by some fear? No I am completely fearless because whatever is related to the past, present and future, external or internal, huge or minute, good or bad, far or near, beauty, taste, smell or touch, all this isn’t mine. I am not any of it. I am moving ahead on the path of eternal happiness of the soul. The attachment that I had with name and beauty, has been destroyed. My desires have reached the shore of satisfaction. All my physical fantasies have been crushed.
A voice came from Shikhi’s conscience, ‘Look at your depressed and anxious people! You have the antidote to give to all the creatures of this world. Then, won’t you give it to your mother? Will you ignore the real people who actually need to understand the eternal truth?
If my mother’s karmic dirt reduces, her heart becomes pure, her conscience awakens and if she has the fear of sins and afterlife, then my spiritual preachings will surely influence her. She will definitely imbibe the true philosophy.
And if her soul is filled with bad karmas, her mind is impure, her conscience doesn’t attain realisation and if she is ignorant towards sins and afterlife, then my preachings will have no impact on her. What can the driving force do without eligibility? Then the destiny of that soul should be believed to be responsible for its rise or fall!
One thing is clear that I will not request Gurudev that I want to go to Koshambi. Whenever Gurudev himself tells me to go to Koshambi, I will go. Gurudev is aware about the letter from my mother. He knows, still he has given clear instruction that I shouldn’t go to Koshambi now. Gurudev is the one who has bestowed more favours and affection on me than the mother who gave me birth. He has obliged so much! Every time I think of his favours, my respect for him increases. My affection for Gurudev had made me forget about my parents. For me, he is only my mother and father! Only when father came from Koshambi and mother sent the letter, did colours of relations emerge in the sky of memories. And my mother’s letter shocked me!
Is this my emotional weakness? I am detached, then too if someone realises their faults and asks for penance, humbly comes to receive spiritual teachings, then my mind gets emotional towards them. I have friendship towards all creatures. Is this feeling of friendship the reason behind such emotions?
There is no disrespect in my mind for creatures inclined in sins. But there is surely a lot of respect for people inclined towards spirituality. Is this feeling in accordance to my role and position?’
Shikhi’s thoughts suddenly stopped. He felt as if someone came and stood behind him. When he turned back, he saw two young monks.
“We bow down to you. Acharyaji has sent us to call you. We apologise for disturbing you in your meditation.”
“Since when are you standing here?”
”Just now.”
He caressed their heads and went to Acharyaji with them.
“Do you know why has Gurudev called me?”
“Yes, someone has come from Koshambi.”
“From Koshambi?”
“Yes!”
Shikhi wondered, ‘Who would have come from Koshambi at this time? If some ordinary devotee would have come, then Gurudev wouldn’t call me. Surely, it might be someone important! I had taken Gurudev’s permission and come to this place!’
“That gentleman had come here with your father and had been a part of the discussion also.”
“Oh! Pingal has come? Then he might have certainly come with some news from father. Shikhi immediately went to Gurudev, greeted him and sat beside him. Pingal worshipped Shikhi. Pingal’s face was looking dull; his eyes were looking swollen. Sleepless nights had impacted his eyes.”
Acharyaji said, “Son, the cycle of birth, life and death keeps going on in this world.”
“Yes, this is going on since infinite time!”
“Wise men don’t keep attachment or hatred in it. Happiness and sorrow don’t even touch them.”
“You are right.”
“Shikhi, a virtuous man has bravely faced death. Death has become a festival for him!”
Acharyaji remained quiet for a few seconds and so did Shikhi.
“Shikhi, Pingal has got the news that Brahmadutt has passed away.”
“And?” “Pingal will tell you about the death festival of Brahmadutt.”
Shikhi looked at Pingal.
Pingal said, “Since the time we left from here and reached Koshambi, Brahmadutt wasn’t feeling well. He was feeling weak; illness had trapped the weak body. He told me, ‘Pingal, now this house of mud has become old and weak. God knows when it might shatter. Before this happens, I want to pacify my soul. I want to calm down my ill-feelings. Once this happens, then I will leave this body by chanting Navkar Mantra and meditating on the divine.’
I told him, ‘You are calm. You forget this family, kingdom and body as well. Just visualise your soul. This world is full of false imaginations, a mere bundle of dreams. Even that dream is about to end now. Just concentrate on your soul.’ That’s when he said, ‘Pingal, there is only one person in my mind right now. Shikhi! I cannot forget the calm face of that great soul. I am neither afraid of death nor do I have any attachment towards life! No worldly illusions are wandering around me right now. I can feel light spreading within me as well as on the outside.’ These were his words.”
Shikhi’s eyes turned moist.
Pingal said, “Brahmadutt used to talk to me about all this everyday. I was with him day and night. Right from King Ajitsen to all the people of the kingdom, everyone would come to enquire about his health. Everyone was sad because all his life, he had taken efforts to ensure there is no sorrow in anyone’s life. He was fond of charity. For almost a month, he was on bed. Agonising pain had taken over his body. Still, that pain didn’t reflect on his face.
On his last day, in the morning, he said, “Pingal, I don’t have any happiness or grief. Neither do I have thoughts of happiness or sadness. I am healthy. Today, I won’t eat or drink anything. I want to concentrate on meditation.
If I die, then please don’t mourn or be sad. Death is not controlling me. In fact, I am choosing death. My death will be like a festival. But yes, do one thing after my death - Go to Shikhi and tell him that his father has made death a festival. Give my greetings to him and Gurudev.’ And then he died in the afternoon.
The king and his ministers came along with lakhs of people of Koshambi who crowded on the streets of Koshambi. His funeral was held in Ashokvan, the place where you had accepted monkhood. Every house in every street in the entire city of Koshambi was mourning due to your father’s death.
I couldn’t see your mother’s terrible condition. She didn’t eat or drink anything for several days. Her eyes had swollen due to excessive crying. Shades of old age had descended on her face. Her body had shrunken up. Many women used to be around her always. They would console her but still she wouldn’t calm down. She would constantly moan and burn in the fire of shock.
What should I tell you about myself? Neither can I live nor can I call for death! Life is full of darkness. There is some kind of silence around my existence. The willingness to live has vanished. Be it the house, street or the city, everything looks empty. Now there is no zest to live, no consciousness in doing anything.”
Acharya Vijaysinh said, “Pingal, you are a wise man. You have known and reflected on the reality of life. You have very well understood the cycle of birth and death. So, you should come out of this grief quickly. Getting rid of it, you should live a life such that you also attain a peaceful death like Brahmadutt. The success of life is in achieving stability and calmness at the time of death. Good incarnations are received only by peaceful deaths.
Monks and nuns! We have to live every moment with the wish to attain peaceful death. Even if death comes to us at this moment itself, we shall conquer it fearlessly and calmly. Don’t forget one thing that death is inevitable. We attain peace only by pacifying our ill-feelings. That is why, calm your anger, ego, deceit and greed. For this, inculcate values of forgiveness, humility, simplicity and satisfaction.
Shikhi! Brahmadutt’s life was truly successful because he got a son like you. The sadness of his death won’t be able to blemish your awakened soul with sorrowful thoughts. The unstable, temporary and fickle nature of life will constantly keep you stable in spiritual thoughts. Most of your ill-feelings have nullified. You have controlled your soul.
Shikhi, you should go to Koshambi to help your mother get rid of grief and connect to spirituality. A few other monks will also accompany you. Start the preparations. Leave from here as early as possible.”
